I saw someone write that they are Sisyphus and I thought it was poetically fitting for people in our condition. I myself am Atlas, damned to carry the world on my shoulders without given a moment to shrug. We are all legends and gods in our own right. Perhaps that’s why our deaths are so tragic.
I’ve finally decided to take that final step and let the world roll from my shoulders. I’ll give myself a month to tie loose ends and let my family adapt. I told them I’ll be leaving in a month. They think I’m just going to move away, having no idea. If it was that simple, I would have done so from the start. At least this way they won’t have to worry.
I’m not sure how I’m going to do it just yet. I heard in a game I once played that mixing bleach and pesticide will do it but the more I research, the more I’m finding it may not be as effective as I think. My other option is sleeping pills which sounds more like a surefire way to get the job done. I’m still looking into it so we’ll see.
I’ll keep posting as time progresses.
Tara
4 comments
Tara, the whole bleach and pesticide thing? Just don’t do it. Your last moments on earth shouldn’t be filled with that kind of pain.
Absolutely right, bleach and pesticides got to be to most painful way to go and if it doesn’t work you’ll be messed up internally for life, there are many more ways that are less painful if you do decide, keep looking, keep posting.
They’re right, bleach would hurt pretty badly. I myself was tempted to go for it, some 2-3 years ago. I googled about how the body would react to bleach consumption and the results weren’t pretty.
I didn’t plan on swallowing them, just mixing them to create toxic gas. Some of my clients have swallowed bleach before so I know how horrible it can be.