What’s the use

Death has been on my mind for quite some time now. a few years ago I never would have utter the words wanting to die, just let me be able to kill myself. now the words just come so easy and i just feel like I am getting so close to the edge. I think it is a possibility that I will have the strength to do it. Everyday is something new that just keeps adding to the pile of shit that is already on top of me. I feel so worthless like nothing I do matters. Nobody has time for me when I need them but I am always there for them. I try to be a good person but that is not enough. I am so alone all the time, I am so unhappy and feel there is really no reason to live. I am slowly working my way to the end but I do get scared sometimes. I really wish I could just get into a really quick car crash that would end it all there but it will be just my luck that I don’t get hit hard enough. I try taking pills but then that would take too long and then again it would be just my luck they don’t take effect. my world is just crashing down and I don’t know how to get on top of things. I don’t really know what I am here for but I am just going to write, someone out there is listening.