Everyone falls asleep at night around me and I’m left alone in the dark with my thoughts and the sound of the traffic outside. Sometimes I wonder what the lives of the people in the cars outside are like. Not sleeping gives you so much time to think.
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You might be thinking everyone in those cars are happy, but all of them aren’t. Yes, some people experience a lot more happy moments in life than others, but even they face hardships at some point in their lives. Life= happiness+sadness.
Funnily enough I never imagine their lives as happy. Always full of stress and troubles.
I am the same way. When everyone else is asleep, I’m always awake, usually until 6 AM. I use that time for ‘me’ time. I write, think, worry, sulk, etc. That is why my constant depressing/suicidal thoughts are worse at night. I don’t have to put on an act when I’m alone.
I’m always writing when everyone sleeps. I’ve considered writing a novel. I have so many short stories, all written in the early hours of the morning. My creativity sparks at that time.
Even when I am actually tired at night, these worries and depressing/suicidal thoughts keep me from sleeping.
That’s how it is for me too. When I try to sleep, my mind comes alive with thoughts of death. It’s torture.