Today

So I’ve been seeing someone to help straighten me out. I’m not sure he understands fully. I have a plan, and a am willing to go through with this. I was waiting to see if things got better. My anxiety has somewhat. I should be thankful for that. I still just find relief in completing the plan. I don’t think it will mean anything for anyone. Even he said no one would give a crap. No kidding. It’s not for anyone else though. Just for me. The only thing I’ve truly ever done for myself. I am waiting patiently. I don’t have a date. I just know it is coming. I feel backwards for living life like this doesn’t exist. I’m sure I have fooled many. Many know something is wrong I’m sure. I just know, that I feel better knowing that it might not be long, it is inevitable. I will go through with this at some point, especially if something doesn’t change. It hasn’t really so far. It’s funny that I’m in the best spot in my life I’ve ever been, and I can’t even enjoy it. In fact, I feel like I’m at the bottom. This provokes the feelings that I need to go. I will go. It’s a matter of time.