erm…

I feel better than I have in weeks. Still nervous and worried but I have a smile on my face. I am finding it difficult to focus. I’m finding it difficult to go on in certain ways. I need to figure certain things out. Maybe this isn’t what I’m meant to do in life. maybe I should run away. I’ve always wanted to run away, like Holden Caulfield. I think I should give this life a try and then see if I still feel the same in a few months.

I’ve gained some weight and I’m still getting use to my body. It feels like it morphs and changes everyday in ways I have to get attached to. I feel like an alien.

I wish life was easier and I just had it all but I’ll continue to go to work day in and day out to figure life out.

I wonder if the world will ever change. I wonder if I’m keeping it the same. I wonder if I am misunderstanding what life is or if I need to figure out more. I am just living, till I’m not. Maybe I’m a bit confused. my brains a tad fuzzy perhaps because I’m not sure if I’m making sense.

All I know is that I love and i want to write and I want to sing and dance and cook and eat. can I get paid for that?