I imagine my story is a lot like everyone else’s. Crud family & upbringing, string of abusive men, over achieving intellectual, unemployed, getting older, desperate to be normal & fit in. All I’ve ever got right is my two boys. My life shouldn’t cause suicidal thoughts, but last night I tried again. Obviously didn’t work. Ex saved me. I just see no point to my existence…at all.
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4 comments
Hi, I’m sorry you’re having trouble. Keep your chin up. I know it’s hard.
EvilKitten, thank you. I just read your story & I feel united yet selfishly stupid. I like the fact you recognise & know your feelings. That takes insight & courage. 🙂
Hah, no courage or insight about it. I keep everything locked up for so long that when I do start to let any little bit of it out, it all just comes flooding out of me in a torrent. And don’t ever feel selfish or stupid for feeling the way you do or expressing those feelings. We can’t help how we feel, and though we know that other people have it worse than we do, we’re allowed to feel what we feel.
Have you been to a doctor to discuss possible chemical imbalances? Sometimes we’re depressed not because of our life, but in part because of an imbalance in the hormones and other important chemicals in the brain and nervous system.
Given I’m 41, menopausal & into body building may have some reasoning from a hormonal POV. I’ve had this existential angst since I was 4. Been suicidal since I was 16. A lot of factors need to be considered, I guess. No amount of wishing from me is going to make me into a superficial clone to fit in without angst. I have to learn how to live with it. Each day is a success if I wake up the next day. 🙂