Hi, I don’t know if I’m allowed to say but my name is Jacob, and in my opinion I’m too young too know what I do. I learnt that I wasn’t ready for the real world when I was thirteen, I’ve done some big things that I both regret and don’t regret but first let me tell you why I don’t like males.
when I was young, about ten or twelve (I can’t remember exactly), I was raped by a sixteen year old, he was my girlfriend at the times brother. I had a faze around then where I turned gay because I didn’t know about rape, I saw guys as just a sexual tool because they did what they wanted and girls pretended to like it high school was hell for that, because every guy just wanted the same thing and it was so plane to see. I’m from Tasmania, Australia by the way so high school is from grade seven till ten.
other things happened in high school, I was almost a father in grade ten and we broke up because our family’s made us and the irony in that was we were doing romeo and Harriet in the musical, which was a parody of romeo and Juliet. she had an abortion and we didn’t get back together, but did something worse (I’ll get to that later). I was willing to give up being a teenager and growing up for our child and I wanted to be a father but my dad manipulated me into not wanting to (I will get to this later as well). also what happened in high school was Claire, I use to not be able to write her name properly because it hurt too much, I was infatuated with her, I had been since grade six, I had a crush on her since grade five and I only recently had been able to read and write her name. I still can’t look at her and talking to her makes me have a mental breakdown… it’s good that I don’t get to see her now… I stuffed everything with her up in high school. I went to england with my family in grade nine and litterally said “well… when in Rome.” but I was drunk so it didn’t sound like that but I messaged her and wrote statuses about her that only she could see about how I felt, I hit a bush (yes it’s funny that I hit a bush) and now I can’t crack my knuckle anymore but I hit it because I was trying to get over her, I’ve been trying to get over her since grade eight and it made it worse, forgetting doesn’t work and thinking about her more doesn’t work, I eventually gave up and just admitted I loved her which my girlfriend at the time didn’t like but had to deal with and I eventually scratched her name in my chest near my heart so she’d always be near my heart… didn’t work and my recent girlfriend scratches over her name to try and get rid of it. I also had DID in high school or as other’s call it “alternate personality” and as I called it, Sting. it was where I put all of my bad things, my anger, my sadism, my dark thoughts, everything bad was in him but unfortunately it came out whenever someone said it’s name over and over… like the bully’s did every day. and eventually I got rid of it the bad way, and everything I repressed came back into me, so I was a mixture of sting and me. I had both good and bad in the same mind and at first I was confused and stuff but I got over thinking about it and accepted it.
Now the part that you need to know before trying to help me. I am a male, I hate males and I am now as old as the person that raped me was, the only difference is that I raped my girlfriend at the time in grade ten and got her pregnant. I am a bad person, we broke up in grade ten and didn’t stop having sex till the end of grad ten because I am a manipulator, a psychological manipulator, I use to be a stereo typical manipulator but then learnt more psychology and I almost made her kill herself on purpose but then decided against it… I’ve now raped three people and every time I used psychological manipulation. I use it almost all the time and even the title of this post is manipulation. but in my defense it’s not just me that uses it, my dad did and my mum did against me, my brother did and my girlfriend does, in my view we all use it but we don’t realize it, I just know more about it and use it better (for worse). I use it to the extreme, the farthest I’ve gone is made someone almost kill themselve but I tried to make my girlfriend at the moment have sex with her ex which use to be her best friend as well until it went wrong and now I made her loose her best friend, even if he was her ex and first love. but I’ve also made her more open in a relationship and I’ve done stuff with other’s and she was fine with it. I use to be scared of myself and what I would turn into and I turned out worse then I thought, I rape her almost every time we have sex but make her feel like it wasn’t and make her believe it wasn’t me. I got kicked out of school for raping someone on school property but made her not press charges with manipulation but I planed to destroy my life and all I got was out of school.
Like everyone I will not achieve anything and won’t contribute to society. also no one will remember me, no one will remember anything, everything will get lost in time because time cures all wounds, including the wound of humanity and every male in it. I’ve tried to kill myself a couple of times in primary school (grade one to grade six) and in grade seven I thought I was too important to kill, now I’m just scared of everything I know and all my memories just vanish and no one knowing what I know… I know both how to kill someone and how to stop people from killing themselves. I can make people do things and I can make them change however I want. there’s far more to my life then this and many more things that have happened to me and things I’ve done but I think this is enough. I’ve been raped and have raped, I know how to manipulate to the point of life and death and beyond, I’ve been infatuated… meh, I don’t care anymore. my brain is dead and I know you wouldn’t care about this… one more thing… I love everybody… I don’t know if I love my girlfriend more or if I love her the same but I love everybody, I love males and females but I hate males at the same time… but I love you, and if anything would happen to you then I would morn over you, even if no one else does. Have fun and Peanuts. XxxxX xXXXx XxXxX xXxXx.
2 comments
Also I give you permission to write hateful reply’s.
You sound so much like an ex boyfriend of mine. He raped me and made me try and kill myself, he did some horrible thing and fuck if you two had to ever meet! I really want to write a hateful reply, but i genuinely can’t. You need help though, nobody deserves rape, it’s the worst thing you could do to someone, im still trying to get over what happened to me and it’s ruined relationships for me because im too scared to suck my boyfriends.. some can be accepting others get mad. He ruined so many things for me and that’s what you’re doing to other people. You know how horrible it is to be raped, so why do you inflict that pain onto others? I have manipulated people to the point someone did try to kill themselves because of me, but it’s a horrible thing to do to someone. It can mess them up for life. Personally, i think you are just really empathetic, you can’t feel the pain/ see from your “victims” point of view what you’ve done to them! But all in all, i would love to talk to you in a more private way! You really interest me!