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hello there fellow SP readers im in need of some advice or guidance im so lost right now and for months the only solution to my problems is suicide.
My problems: Legal issues- im looking at some serious time for a crime im innocent in
Because of my legal issues im out of a really good job and i cant afford my bills and have missed many payments now
Im gonna be paying for my lawyer for the next 10 years for something i didnt do
everyone in my town hates me because of the way the media portrayed me and i cant leave the area because of pretrial
I ride streetbikes and since ive been wanting to die i been riding like a complete nut hoping to get killed in a respectable manner without knowing it was suicide – this is also one of the activities that helps me feel free of my problems but now i cant ride anymore cause i recently got in trouble for riding like an asshole and since im on pretrial im gonna get thrown in jail till my hearing as soon as my PO finds out
Now i cant get a new job because of my background check
Im financially tapped out and so is my family
my family cant handle my problems either anymore and i feel horrible everyday that they also have to deal with my problems and help me survive
all the activities that make me feel good about myself and help me escape reality i can no longer afford
Im stuck in a depression i cant see out of
My love of my life cant handle me anymore and we parted ways tonight
probably cause im so unhappy with everything and im completely broke
she wasnt even allowed to see me because her family thinks im a bad person because of my legal issues
I just cant take another day of this pain and agony with no one to tell me its gonna be ok
my family only makes things worse when they try to get involved because they dont understand me
my life is such a wreck im tired of crying myself to sleep at night
and if you tell me to seek professional help ive already done that and it truly made things worse for me and got a misdiagnoses in the process which made it even worse
theres sooooo much more but no one has time to hear all my problems so i stuck with the main ones
so this is where im at about 8 years ago my two bestfriends in the entire world both shot themselves a week apart and yes i saw how much it hurt everyone around them including myself very much but i now find myself feeling jealous that i cant go out and shoot myself
i feel like it would hurt my loved ones too much even though after my best friends committed suicide after some time everyone moved on with their lives and forgot about the pain
I just want the pain to end i feel like im just torturing myself everyday i wake up i get pissed that my eyes open after a nights sleep because i sit and pray i wont wake up again i sleep during the day just so i can avoid dealing with my problems and the people along with them i just wanna be alone for some reason i feel like thats what i deserve even thou the people around me dont believe that. Ive concurred more obstacles in my life and delt with more than 90% of the population ever has but this time im too beaten down to get back up im stuck in a depressed walling state that i cant handle anymore
what do i do?!?!?!?!?! im tired of looking at this noose and these sleeping pills this isnt my first attempt and my next one will be a winner ive always been very competitive and i refuse to fail twice
19 comments
Have you tried some anti-depressants? If you find the right ones, they take suicidal thoughts away. It sounds like you are deep into depression cuz you are sleeping all day.
they prescribed me 400mg of seraquel but it did nothing but put me to sleep earlier and i saw another doctor and they said it was a misdiagnoses and took me off it
I know how you feel, I’ve been hit listed by numerous people, hit listed not in the I’m going to kill you way, but his listed in the I am going to ruin your life by doing whatever it takes using any means way. I was told if they even have to plant stuff on my computer that they would. What’s worse they mockingly said they will use what I was diagnosed with against me, so I won’t even be believed, all because they are sadists who enjoy inflicting pain on complete strangers for laughs.
A coalition of people have been formed just to fuck me over, originally it was for the laughs, then by waging a p.r campaign, as I was told a Fuck you P.R campaign they got other people and groups to join in. I’ve since become an internet celebrity, they most likely impersonated my identity to further this agenda.
The original purpose was just because they were sadist hackers who enjoy hurting people for laughs because they are evil and have serious issues. Going so far out of your way to ruin some ones life just for fun and a good laugh is truly sick. Some of these people are also motivated because they share a different political opinion than I do, and instead of debating they would rather destroy someone. Unfortunately due to my issues I was also manic at the time so I poured gasoline on the fire and gave the sadists even more ammo. It’s amazing how evil and sadistic some people are.
With all due respect Sir, you are obviously schizophrenic, and in need of help.
thank you for your thoughts i appreciate it
Dang, that’s quite a story. If you’re in pretrial, are you sure there isn’t any way that you’ll get proven innocent? It does happen.
And as far as facing serious jail time, there can be good things to come from it. If it does go to that, and you’re incarcerated, join every meeting you get offered, for whatever it is, and do everything you can to get more educated. Read books, join an education program if available, etc.
And if you really are innocent, never let them forget it. If you keep wailing about your innocence, they’ll be more likely to look into your case for new evidence, angles, etc, periodically.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this rough time, and I wish I could help you. Sometimes we have to play the cards we’re dealt. It seems like you don’t really want to die, but are in such extreme circumstances at the moment, that it seems the only “positive” action to take.
Jail isn’t fun, but people do come out, after long sentences, and make a new life for themselves. It is possible. I hope that you can keep your chin up and that if you’re innocent, it’s proven at the trial.
That’s a tough one-but if it’s not for murder or something and you’re out in a few years then it’s not really the end of the world. Of course prison life will be tough and re-adjusting after you’re out.
But if you are genuinely innocent then stick to your claim. However if you’re going to be in jail for life or a very long time, for me personally it would not be worth it. I’m not making any suggestions but I’d end my life at that point.
You just have to weigh out all the options. Perhaps your lawyer can save you. Declare personal bankruptcy after you win the case.
I’m not too fond of my life either but I figure it isn’t any worse than most people out there living ordinary lives. I’m going to try to stick around a bit longer but some days I really want to end it.
Anyways your circumstances are unusual and it does become an existential question-it would for me if I was in your shoes. Like I said if you out in a few years on good behavior then go for it, a few years is nothing really. If you’re facing 40 years or more, then f-k it…I would off myself, but then you’d need time away from others to pull it off. Anyways good luck. If you did something horrible to some innocent person then I’d say you deserve what you have coming.
you have never been to jail if you think some good can come from it…jail is a fucking mental torture physical torture absolute hell it should be considered torture people like that…and its not the confinement but you have to be around the most evil people on this planet 24/7 …and i have only had to spend a couple weeks in jail and i told myself if i ever have to go back there for any reason i dont give a fuck i would not go my life is hell already as it is on the outside and i would never want to be trapped in that hell pit ever again….so ya just sayin i really feel for anyone in that position if they are really a decent person that doesnt deserve to be tortured because thats what it is is torture
Jail is terrible, but prison is actually better. I’ve been to jail, and my brother has been to jail. He spent 6 months in jail. It wasn’t the worst thing ever, but it wasn’t a picnic either.
But prison, you have more freedom there, ironically. There’s more to do, and you CAN better yourself while you’re there. In jail you’re not really allowed to do anything but sit around and wait for your release.
You have to find the positives in your life and feed off of them. I am so sorry you are in this situation. You dont have a single person you can confide in? No matter how bad the situation, someone loves you and will stand beside you, fighting this battle with you. Find those people and lean on them. Life is a lonely place. Companionship can save you. Appreciate what you have rather than take for granted your situation. No amount of guilt will change the past and no amount of anxiety will change your future so as worked up as you are anticipating your future, whether you worry all day or not worry at all, the outcome will remain the same. Have hope that things will work out how they are supposed to.. there is a bigger reason behind your struggles. You will find yourself somewhere along this mess. Have faith my friend. Do not give up. someone is in your corneR. This is not what you had planned in life but it may lead you to bigger and better things. Dont let it consume you. Recreate yourself. Let it make you into a better person… do it for you, no one else. YOU CAN FIGHT THIS.
Thank you very much and your very correct im letting it consume me and my thoughts when i was still working full time it was soooo much easier to deal with cause i was occupied
now i have so much time on my hands i let it rule me its not like i want to or im letting it its just there in the back of my head telling me to give up every morning is such a struggle to get out of bed im so very thankful of everyones kind words you all will never know what this means to me but it weighs heavily on my decision making im praying tomorrow will be a better day its already better thanks to you all
thanks again for helping me make it to another day
i mean i know i can beat the case but its ruined my life
its taken everything from me everything i worked so hard for i feel so cheated i wanna show the world what they did to me you know? show them the pain they put me in i feel like everytime i go outside im being judged and people are whispering about me i lost all my self worth and self confidence. everytime i get back up and get everything the way i want it someone comes and takes it all away from me im tired im tired of getting back up im tired of starting over paying 500 a month for the next ten years for an education i cant use and another 500 a month for a lawyer to prove my innocence i lost everyone in my life but my family and their so stressed out that their barely making it and it makes me feel so bad for them that because of me they have to go through this too and me trying to make it to the next day gets me in more trouble i dont need because im looking at life like im running out of time and i wanna live each day to the fullest worried all day everyday my emotions are consuming me
its hard to explain because you dont know me personally but when people make you out to be someone your not its hard to change peoples perspective in small town usa where the local newspaper rules if you know what i mean
and the sad part is my self esteem is so low that i begin to believe what others think of me is true even though they dont know me at all
evil kitten this statement is so true it hurts – that it seems the only “positive” action to take.
“me trying to make it to the next day gets me in more trouble” oh man i know that cycle all too well my friend trust life is a fucking hell trap , whether it be me drinking to try and function and causing more trouble or trying to get money and arguing over money just to try to survive and not have the feeling of wanting to die yet just trying to do whatever impulses it is to not go insane always leads to even more hell it is unbelieveble….me personally i cant wait to take my own life it will be a great revenge against the family that stranded me and didnt give a fuck in my most hopeless and hellish times when they easily could have a billion occasions and a big fuck you to society and the evil people i have dealt with and the trap that it is for those of us that seem to be cursed and have bad luck . I know on the inside i am a nice and good person and im sure you are too but i swear life is unfair is all i have learned in this life…once i lost the belief this world is good and forgiving i lost all hope becuz time and time again this world has proven to me i can be as nice possible and still shit will backfire in my face …we are all sinners though so remember that everyone is equal in sin…but at the end of the day this world can be a never ending torture and i believe if the person cant take it anymore then take societys power to torture you out of their hands and kill yourself….that is how i feel about it i think suicide is a very understandable solution a person can only take so much…so any ways good luck to you in either your suicide if you wish or in your wanting to continue…either way i wish u luck and hope the best
I understand how you feel, I was unemployed facing homelessness, this happens to me a lot, then I decided to try with all my might to better myself despite my pain, then a bunch of sadist hackers who’s sole motivation in trying to ruin a life was because it was fun and funny decided to target me. I struggled with what they were doing to me, then I was able to get back on my feet despite my feelings of hopelessness.
They then made me lost my job be sending hacked data to my employer, then I reacted to it poorly, and out of desperation went to the FBI, but this just poured gasoline on a fire, and they formed a coalition much larger than the one they originally formed just to find any way they could to ruin my life.
By using hacking tricks and a p.r campaign they turned a community of people who I never spoke a word with against me and some of these people are in the 1%. They then decided to join in. I’ve been told I was fucked and hit listed sucka, and have since been made into an internet celeb with the hacked data they obtained. People I never met or spoke a word to out to destroy my life in any way they can, I forgot how evil and sadistic people truly are, it still amazes me how many sick and sadistic people are gathered around this banner.
Secondlife – this is very much so how i feel
I’m not too fond of my life either but I figure it isn’t any worse than most people out there living ordinary lives. I’m going to try to stick around a bit longer but some days I really want to end it.
its just im scared of the day that it is to much to handle its like a teeter totter im just keeping up with the balancing act at this moment in time
it just sucks so bad knowing it didnt do what im accused of all i was trying to do is help someone and its ruining my life now thanks so much for the support i needed people to talk to that arent paid to hear my problems i really appreciate it
i wanna explain myself and my story but i dont know if its appropriate on here before my trial 🙁 the story is so damn sad and that i have to think about the incident everyday of my life from that night on you know thats enough punishment in its self
Oncehaditall you seem like a strong person and at first glance i would believe your innocent if i were you once you prove your innocence Id get out of that town you live and live somewhere else . (if you decide to live that is)
I agree. Those people don’t know you, and if you get out of this, get out of there. You can start fresh somewhere else and not have to worry about what people think.