Monthly Archives

September 2014

i wonder what should i do in my life to feel fulfilled

by arciac 9/21/2014

written by arciac

i found this page not long ago and i want a place to share things that i am not able to tell even my family

i tried suicide for countless times before. i hate people. i always put on a mask to address everyone especially classmates or collegues that hated me. i often wondered why they hate me and i tried investigate once and found out they hated me for being cheerful to them eveb though they spit hurtful comments to every hardwork i poured to work or projects.

i also hated money. i hate how people use others for the sake of getting money. i am […]

9/21/2014 1 comment

today for the first time in like 2 yr i felt like ripping my skin off myself. cutting my arms up from palm to armpit to remind myself what real pain feels like again. everything seems so backwards, theres no way forward apart from down, down, down. how am i supposed to move forward if everything i do gets ignored or pushed to the sidee. i just want a home, somewhere ill make my own, somewhere i can chill, somewhewre i can be myself. has that ever happened? i dont know what to do, i just dont.

by tma 9/21/2014

written by tma

9/21/2014 1 comment

Black Hole

by lifehateshappy 9/21/2014

written by lifehateshappy

I cant swim. Everything consumes me. I take every comment or action against me as a declaration of dislike. I dead end myself trying to get over anything. The grief and helplessness is a salve to my conscious. I see right through people. Their lives so empty. Doing such superficial things. I dont know how to involve myself in anything superficial. I cant be meaningless. I therefore don’t do anything and hate myself for it. My family loves me. But where I want to go they will never support. They are the only people in my life. The girl I love. I keep doubting myself […]

9/21/2014 0 comment

I hate ya

by gonna die 9/21/2014

written by gonna die

Wow my cousin is such a *****

i thought my family new that i was “gay”

well im actually bi but i’ll never tell them that

well my cousin looked at my history

and he thinks im gay why dose he care what i watched. And why dose he care what i do in my life hes my cousin for god sake he should worrie about his mum and himself

ohh godd i wish i could kill my self

but i cant

i even wished a car could kill me ahhh

-brian

9/21/2014 1 comment

Thinking about jumping off a bridge tomorrow

by DC001 9/21/2014

written by DC001

I found the perfect bridge the george westinghouse memorial bridge and was thinking of just ending it tomorrow. Thanks to the hackers and their hacking tricks and my manic behavior I managed to get in a situation where I’m facing serious jail time maybe life, and I don’t think I have it in me to do it. Due to their P.R campaign everyone thinks I’m some psycho beyond redemption and they intend to crucify me despite never having a prior record. I just can’t deal with this anymore. It’s the perfect height the success rate is very good. I can’t hang myself I’ve tried, but […]

9/21/2014 28 comments

That’s frustrating !

by BanjoDK 9/21/2014

written by BanjoDK

Finally! I did it late last afternoon. I made everything ready, and then set me Down in my sofa/ couch and drank 4 beer. I found some good music on my stereo and did it! But… I woke up on the floor. The homemade fabric “Rope” i had made was broken. I remember when i was “Gone” hearing a lot of noise and wery fast loud breathing sounds. Really scary. I don’t know how long i was gone. When i woke up i did’nt knew WHO i was or WHERE i was for like 10 seconds. It was wery unrealistic. Now my throat Hurts when i swallow, […]

9/21/2014 5 comments

i’m actually really sad

by starsign 9/21/2014

written by starsign

lol i just realized how bad i’ve fucked shit up. And how much of an over sensitive prick i am especially with my friends. And that i get sad over the dumbest things that i shouldn’t even be sad about. And that i’m confused about a lot of things.
and i hate that i feel so damn hopeless and i hate my family and i hate the fact that my mum makes me so sad and i hate that i can’t talk to anyone or i don’t have anyone. And i realized how alone i actually am.

And i also hate the fact that i sound […]

9/21/2014 4 comments

If only it was that easy…

by DeltaX 9/21/2014

written by DeltaX

I have been around here for a week, reading posts about other people’s problems, previous attempts and their rebounds from said attempts. Some of the problems are mentioned, them being of loss, love, subject of hate, assumptions, guilt, etc. Some of these guys are well-off and loved, some perhaps aren’t. So I’ll just add myself undeservingly to the list as I vent it out in the following brief of my life.

I haven’t ever attempted suicide, I could never gather the strength to do so, but not a single day goes without thinking about it. Theres nothing wrong with my life, and as a matter of […]

9/21/2014 6 comments

Can I come by then fly back to France, let me know now

by Bisban 9/21/2014

written by Bisban

Every night, I am presented with a truth and every night I only ever speak in it’s truth. The earth trembles, harder. I won’t be going back to the weed store again. When I mean now, I need not to say it again. I’m going on a vacation, by September. My declaration of all. Godspeed.

9/21/2014 3 comments

Another year

by Starlove 9/21/2014

written by Starlove

Anther year since I tried to kill myself. Life’s pretty good. I’ve been talking to one of my friends who recently expressed interest in me. I like them, everyone thinks they like me. But I’m scared, scared they do and scared they don’t. They have texted me into the night, they’re very sweet and considerate and they want to help me, but I’ve swallowed my secrets and depression for so long I can’t give them up. Life is pretty good. I still want to die. That irrational persistence is the mark of a true suicidal person, I think.
I need a plan. If I don’t […]

9/21/2014 4 comments

Lost and Alone

by catawampus 9/21/2014

written by catawampus

Once life was good. I was happy. Happy enough. But I ruined it. Now my days are spent in silence, alone, dreaming of the past, wishing for it all to have turned out differently. I despise the present of long awful days lost in sadness. I dread the hopelessness infecting every second of every day. I’ve tried to be happy since. I have moments of contentment, of distraction, but it never lasts. I spend all my time alone, afraid, anxious, and miserable. I cry often. I sob and I pace with my hands cradling my head. All my joy is gone. Any passion I once […]

9/21/2014 3 comments

New with Conflicting Thoughts

by Chandelier203 9/21/2014

written by Chandelier203

Hello all. I am new to the website. Recently I’ve had depressive moments to the point in where I wanted to leave the world. I was ready to overdose today, but I felt guilty when it came to thinking about leaving my boyfriend and friends. I convinced myself that I have to die, in order to end the suffering and bad thoughts. But alas, here I am. I hate being alive. We are to be in charge of our own lives yet we can’t take it away…hmmm.

9/21/2014 2 comments

need to end it

by Anonymous 9/21/2014

written by Anonymous

I have been considering suicide for a while and want to know a way to just get it done so that it will be easier on my friends and family. I’ve looked at all the various methods but I Don’t know the quickest way and I’d rather just get it done and over with. I just need it to be over I can’t live with myself I can’t take it and I really don’t want to mess up and live after this attempt because then I would have to face everyone and I just can’t do it so I have to be successful. Please just […]

9/21/2014 1 comment

Where is the reset button?

by Dollycutter 9/20/2014

written by Dollycutter

My brokenness has cost me the man who matters most and has isolated me from my children. There is no way to rebuild. There is too much work and I don’t have the strength. I am so scared. I am a coward. A trashy piece of worthless wasted air.

I don’t trust anyone, especially myself. I hid razor blades throughout the house. Figured that was a smart thing to do. ha ha ha

What the fuck was the point of this existence?

9/20/2014 1 comment

Self Sabotage

by csmc12345 9/20/2014

written by csmc12345

UGH. I hate myself so much right now. I had a lot of things going for me, an interesting job, a good education, friends….

But instead of being able to appreciate anything, I blew everything up in my face. I quit my job at the last minute (it was abroad), and have been hiding out in my room like a little *****. I’m just so depressed. And it’s happened before. It’s always so up and down. Left and right. I wish I had a better way of describing it than just, wow I fucked up. And I can’t take it back. I just hate myself and […]

9/20/2014 0 comment

No Love

by NoLove19 9/20/2014

written by NoLove19

I’ve had enough. I’m done trying to prove myself. Or trying to please you. “Listen here you little *****,” is that what I am to you? A *****? I stopped being your daughter years ago. Even before I truly realized it. You thought I was messing with your head then? I’m not sick like you. The whole damn family knew you cared more about your boyfriends then you did me. “I’ve written my resignation letter twice Cierra!” Wanna know how many times I’ve written my suicide letter? I deserve to be treated better. I haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t clean my room well enough? […]

9/20/2014 1 comment

Seems like I have a very bright future ahead of me.

by Sparkle Dolls 9/20/2014

written by Sparkle Dolls

Things have turned around lately. My life has done a complete 180. It’s great.

So why do I still want to die.

9/20/2014 11 comments

It will not be today.

by BethChilds 9/20/2014

written by BethChilds

It is hot and sunny out. 12:30pm. I hate feeling this way when it looks like that outside. When it’s daylight. Feeling suicidal in the sense that it’s more comforting to think about suicide then it is to think about how awful and worthless I am, but I’m not sure I would actually attempt something.

I got a new job. A real job. Real money. Real benefits. I should be ecstatic right now…and I was yesterday. So much so that my head was completely spinning with lists. Things I need to do. Things I need to buy. Things I need to be. Spin spin spin. I […]

9/20/2014 2 comments

I’m Someone Else

by Brink of Dawn 9/20/2014

written by Brink of Dawn

I’m someone else. At least that’s what I’ve felt like these past few months. I don’t feel like myself. It is hard to get out of bed. I don’t want to eat. I am unable to sleep. My smiles aren’t sincere. My laughs are half-hearted. I don’t want to be around anyone. I can barely talk to anyone. I can’t be happy. And I don’t want to live.

I hope that something can save me.

I pretend to be myself, even though I haven’t felt like myself these past few months. I get out of bed to eat. I eat because I don’t want to lose […]

9/20/2014 3 comments

Tired….

by Quiet 9/20/2014

written by Quiet

Well, its been a while. A long time since I’ve been viewing the stories here, an even longer time since I bothered to write; truth being I’ve haven’t been able to write (the one think I was once able to do well, now diminished). I guess you find that time of night on that particular day when you feel its about time you came back to just have a look, see how terrible it is that there are some many more people feeling that suicidal depressed way.

I’ve started intense studying. How fantastic (it isn’t). I never knew I tired like this. I’ve always been tired, […]

9/20/2014 1 comment

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