Monthly Archives

September 2014

here’s for another day

by death bunny 9/16/2014

written by death bunny

It’s never-ending.

Don’t try and fucking tell me it’s just ‘a phase’, and please, PLEASE, just stop telling me it is going to be okay. I’m sick of your lies. I’m sick of you smiling when I’m covered in numbness. I’m sick of your ‘good morning’s and ‘good evening’s.

I hate you for not accepting me, as I try to do that myself. I hate you for being so naive and stupid. I hate you for believing I will be good again. Face it. Me, depression. It took over, can’t you see ma? can’t you see it’s not your son anymore? Can’t you see I’m someone else? […]

9/16/2014 5 comments

a day after my birthday

by passionfruit3 9/16/2014

written by passionfruit3

Today is my birthday.im twenty two.twenty two and unmedicated and suicidal.but heres the thing i dont know if I’ll ever complete suicide.i tell myself i will and i even get as close to swallowing pills or standing on a bridge.but the thing is i seek help or i wait to long and help arrives.on wendsday i want to kill myself but my mind jumps ahead to overdosing and seeking. Help right. After.i believe a lot of this is fear based and this is a cry for help.i just don’t know how. To ask for it ecspecially seeing as the only help the er will offer […]

9/16/2014 3 comments

I’m Not Through Yet…

by karmansteward 9/16/2014

written by karmansteward

My name is Karman Quinn Steward, I am 20 years old, and I attempted to take my life. Three times…
March 29th, 1994-June 12th, 2012
March 29th, 1994-February 3rd, 2013
March 29th, 1994-August 18th, 2013
For the first time in a long while, I was boiling with a sick determination. I was ready to make one of the above be the cover of my funeral program. Every one of my family members, friends, loved ones, and everything in between would gather to see me finally at peace. The confusion I thought they deserved would cloud their minds…
“I should have called her more.”
“But she […]

9/16/2014 1 comment

Losing it

by superiorClown 9/15/2014

written by superiorClown

The life becomes unbearably painful for me. I’m slowly losing it.

Everything was just as I always wanted it to be. That is, until the third year of college. I did two faculties simultaneously and I started running out of time, sleeping less and receiving not-perfect grades because of that. Then I failed one exam. That completely broke me.

Suddenly problems appeared, all at once. Problems with being gay and not accepting myself because of it (I never loved anyone and never been with anyone, I consider staying in closet forever), with trust, self-esteem, need of approval, enormous stress, problems with physical appearance, money, family and friends relations. […]

9/15/2014 3 comments

girl in the front row

by tpc 9/15/2014

written by tpc

I often wonder what everyone else is thinking. Do they think the same way as I do? Do they have scars under their sleeves? Are they suicidal? I’m 17 and in my final year of high school. I’m sure there is some statistic that tells you one in every x amount of people have depression, and y amount of those people are suicidal. But I really don’t believe in statistics, everyone is different, you know. No one would ever guess how my mind works. I am the quiet girl. She sits in the front seat, laughs with her friends, smiles, comforts people, maintains average grades. […]

9/15/2014 1 comment

I Like Cough Syrup (^-^)

by TwistedSpace 9/15/2014

written by TwistedSpace

Gel pills are the best because they taste like nothing, and it’s the more adult way of doing it (whatever that means, huehuehue!). They take me to another world, they make me feel innocent and kind – like a little girl, and ignorance is total bliss when you’re someone like me. 🙂

9/15/2014 8 comments

????

by ella 9/15/2014

written by ella

I don’t understand I was so damn elated this morning and the past few days and I really thought my life was going to change for the long run but then out of fucking no where a deep sense of sadness hits me and im literally and figuratively aching at this point. This happens too damn often and its the worst??? Why cant I be constantly happy?? Hell, ill take content?? Fuck Ill go from rainbows and fucking rays of sunshine to a damn psycho contemplating whether to walk into a busy road?? I don’t understand?????

9/15/2014 3 comments

Read and die

by depressednihilist95 9/15/2014

written by depressednihilist95

I’m failing college, and therefore wasting both time and money. I’m eighteen and existentially distressed, so how my parents think I know what I want to do in life and how they think that I can put on a happy face and go to college is beyond me. I have no one to consider what I should do with my life with. My parents say “college.” There’s simply no other option.

I don’t know what I want to do in life, to be honest. I’ve had ideas, but they all never worked out. I thought I might want to learn programming, but it’s boring, and boredom […]

9/15/2014 1 comment

Farewell SP friends…

by Still Lost 9/15/2014

written by Still Lost

As some of you know, I tried most, if not all treatments out there… My psychiatrist abandoned me 6 months ago. We had a close relationship so it crushed me. She energized me and inspired me to do things I never had the courage to do myself. She got sick (but us better now) so she couldn’t manage me being suicidal. Even though she said we could reevaluate after 6 months, she won’t respond to my texts, emails or calls. She is really the only hope I had to get better and stay better. I left her a voicemail this morning saying that I will […]

9/15/2014 17 comments

i plan to die tonight

by death bunny 9/15/2014

written by death bunny

But planning is far from actually having the balls to kick the chair.

Swallowed some Xanax, snorted some Clonex, but I’m still restrained to this life, stuck between the living and the dead. The clock strikes three and the sky never seemed darker. It’s time. I am becoming. My soul turn black, my eyes hurt and I’m raped all over. It starts with the stomach, then it goes to the throat and eventually squeezing my skull until my ears are bleeding and my eyeballs hanging outside their place.

It doesn’t matter where I am. As long as I am in my soul, like a body, I’m me, and I’ve […]

9/15/2014 4 comments

No will.

by lorlypenguin 9/15/2014

written by lorlypenguin

I used to weigh 120 pounds…now I weigh 200 pounds…I gained all that weight in less than a year…My fiance had just recently come into money and I guess you could say “we lived the good life”…since then I’ve had nothing but hate for myself.. I take forever to get ready because none of my clothes fit me and I hate to look at myself…now it’s constantly the center of my fiance and I’s arguments..he just doesn’t seem to understand my pain…I used to get comments like of your pregnant? And oh wow why didn’t you say anything(about being pregnant)…and I wasn’t…the sad part is, […]

9/15/2014 1 comment

How do you see it?

by tpc 9/15/2014

written by tpc

Depression to me is like a little demon/devil that lives inside of you. I watched this video of this guy on youtube who basically said how he viewed depression. He said…
“Humans possess this instinct of survival, humans want to survive, that’s why they eat and they work, all to keep them alive. When you have depression, that instinct vanishes, it isn’t there anymore. You want to die. You don’t see the reason of why you are here or why god put you here. You become confused and eventually kill yourself”
I can’t remember if he said that last part, that might just be my […]

9/15/2014 5 comments

What happens when you put the phone down on a crisis call?

by pinkcoconut 9/15/2014

written by pinkcoconut

The police turn up at your house. Even when they don’t know where you live.

I called an urgent mental care health line trying to get some help with not hurting myself. The nurse quizzed me on my address because it might affect where I have my CBT. I felt like he wasn’t trying to talk sense into me and was instead just trying to fill out a form. I shouted at him asking him whether he was going to help me right now or not, and he said he needed my address for my long term care. I put the phone down on him. […]

9/15/2014 4 comments

Heres to hoping I work up the courage tonight

by DC001 9/15/2014

written by DC001

I want to die, and since I can’t go the seven pounds route and donate my organs in time, I guess dying is about all I can do. This video gave me an odd level of comfort I mean if he can do it why can’t I? I’m down to partial suspension hanging jumping off of a building or if I can get my car working in time an exit bag. I need my car to go get the supplies. I wish I had some painkillers to help numb the initial pain of the rope, all I have is alcohol. I’m not trying to get […]

9/15/2014 8 comments

Disheveled

by Namelessqueer 9/15/2014

written by Namelessqueer

Sometimes I feel out of place, and messy. I’m not sure if I’m meant to be here, not sure if I’m meant to survive. I’ve made mistakes and I try to own them and incorporate change into my life. Others make errors and i try to forgive but not forget. I try to combat these repetitive thoughts that tell me I should go home and lay in bed or stay home and lay in bed or lay on the floor for an hour or two or until my heart feels less heavy.

I feel stuck often but the medication might actually be helping this time. This […]

9/15/2014 0 comment

Avannaarsuani Tunumilu Nuna Allanngutsaaliugaq

by Bisban 9/15/2014

written by Bisban

9/15/2014 3 comments

Thoughts & Advice for Suicide or Survival – Suicidals Please Read

by coconut 9/15/2014

written by coconut

I found this site last night when I was in a bad state. I haven’t been suicidal since I was 19 and am now 22, but came here looking for a supportive voice because even though I’ve escaped my battles I still feel the after effects (details in my earlier post). After reading some posts I’m concerned. Remember I have been there and I know how it is. I am being very honest and my comments on how to go, how to not go, motivation and survival preparation are towards the end.

Suicide:

1. If you want to kill yourself that is your choice. Please keep in mind though, death […]

9/15/2014 13 comments

Dammit anyway

by nozmoking 9/15/2014

written by nozmoking

I am frightened of what tomorrow will bring. I wish I had a cyanide cap.

9/15/2014 4 comments

grey

by namelessghost 9/15/2014

written by namelessghost

I hesitate to post. In a way, looking forward to responses here is another tie to cut when all I want is to be free of such anchors.

I don’t yet have the materials for the death I want and I so desperately want to have that one last moment for myself when the day comes… But I fear I’ve run out of time. I can’t shake the dread of living, the longing for dying, and the dissatisfaction of my entire existence. I don’t know how I will make it through the week. I don’t want to make it through the week.

An empty life finds itself […]

9/15/2014 2 comments

Nice distraction today…

by Still Lost 9/15/2014

written by Still Lost

Watching football this weekend and joking with SP posters about it was a nice distraction to the tormenting in my head. I still can’t think beyond Monday but I did take my meds tonight… I even contacted a few doctors. I don’t fucking know. I stop myself every time I think about the future. I don’t have the energy to fix my life after 3 years of hell… deferring grad school twice. There is no way my brain can recover in time to restart grad school in January.

Thanks guys… I didn’t feel so alone today.

9/15/2014 13 comments

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