I haven’t been able to stop the tears from rolling today. Driving out to pick up my kids I almost slammed into a semi full of fuel but didn’t and then had a second chance to pull right out in front of one doing 70mph. I’m sure that would’ve done the trick and it would have been an accident so my kids would still get the life insurance. But I hadn’t seen my babies for a week and I couldn’t leave them without one last hug and kiss goodbye. Today I confided in the guy that seems to be the root of my demons only for him to tell me that I have two kids that need me and that should be enough and if it’s not he suggest I get to a counselor and figure that shit out. I can’t talk to friends or family because they just try to tell me I shouldn’t feel this way. No fucking shit…no one should feel this way but telling someone not to is bullshit. People that haven’t been in this darkness don’t have a fucking clue. As for me, I will try to endure the pain at least thru October. My baby brother is getting married and I think that’ll be the last time my family is together…I can’t bring myself to ruin that for him.
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8 comments
I’m sorry your feeling like this but you can just say screw them a lot of people don’t understand pain as if you feel like giving in life I don’t I know I do I haven’t done much in my life the pain I have with my spine n back it feels like a curse I have cause no one else in my family is like me hurting all the time I feel alone I just want to give too but life is rough your absolutely right about that I hope you and your kids enjoy the days having them n that you have a great day
Thank you. I’m sorry you are in pain. I suffer from emotional pain and the physical pain that commonly follows suit. Pain is pain though and a person can only handle so much before they break.
I had someone today tell me—- “Who cares, No ones gives a ish”, this was advice from someone I looked up to. This was word of advice, in other words telling me to suck it up….. But i am like- I care, doesn’t that matter?
Anyway, cherish every minute with he kids. even if you go thru with suicide or an accident may come along unexpected. I am no way in no shape to give anyone advice, but i know spending time with your children is so important.
I do cherish my children and leaving them will be the hardest thing ever but having them grow up seeing me like this, crying all the time, never being happy, wasting away isn’t good for them either. And when you hurt so bad…getting rid of the pain is often all you think about.
I feel you, I know every situation is different…. I been in similar situations…. There is nothing I can say to ease the pain. I wish I could…. I wish could take the pain a way from all those going thru something….including myself…. Like i said i am in no position to give advice, but I am a good listener…
I hope you find some support on here at least. Its hard when people dont understand and misjudge us. Some people need to “Walk a mile in our shoes” before they can understand what were feeling.
I’ve never felt understood until finding this site. I hate that there are so many of us that are in pain and whether it’s constantly or occasionally wanting to remove ourselves from it, it does help to come here and talk. These are our darkest, deepest secrets that if we share with “normal” people we end up judged, medicated, tortured and locked away from society. Why are there laws against helping one another die in a peaceful state of mind, a long side a friend, seeing you to the other side? It’s society that has condemned us all to be ashamed, keep our plans hidden, just so we can be set free…alone and scared. Who are they to dictate how we go out?
I agree . Society has no right to try to prohibit someone from taking his or her own life .