I just realized that I hate myself that I can not forgive myself. That’s not the worst part the worst is that I don’t let myself live life I cage myself up because I am a coward. I am afraid of getting hurt so afraid that I probably ruined a possible new relationship whether it was as friends or as lovers. I push people away I push myself away because I don’t trust anyone around me I don’t even trust myself. Because people have always hurt me and I have always let myself get hurt. It’s so unfair how I can easily love and forgive other people but when it comes to me I can’t give myself the same. I don’t understand why!!?? I am sorry I tell myself everyday that I’m sorry that I love myself but it doesn’t matter!!! I just want to stop hating myself, I want to forgive myself and love myself. I want to stop wishing that I could die, I want to live!! But I’m so afraid, its that kind of fear that consumes you and it’s like I can’t escape it. I want to meet a great guy I want him to love me and I want to love him, I want all of it happiness, life, kids, and I don’t want to be afraid. But I am afraid and I don’t know how to change this, how to show myself how sorry I am. I let go of all the people that were hurting me, I started working harder in school in life to show myself that I care. But I feel nothing about any of it and I clearly haven’t forgiven myself nor do I love myself. So what now, where do I go from here?
1 comment
I’m a lot like you but a lot older by the sounds of it I can’t give you an answer but what I do know is what seems so bad about you is actually a great gift. Kind forgiving understanding but I think where we go wrong is there’s a find line that needs to be drawn between forgiving some one. And being taken for granted and being a fool. Don’t let that be your problem it’s there’s