Alone

I’m quite young (only twenty) but I feel very alone, let me begin by saying that I have spent most of the last four years by myself going more than a month at a time without seeing or speaking to anyone that I knew just the checkout person at the supermarket asking how I am sometimes I would try to respond but could not find the words, I moved back into the city less than a year ago and things where a little better then when I lived in the country side but things changed quickly, these days when I see people I always feel like a third wheel always getting in the way of what people want to do feeling as if they have change their plans to include me.
I cried for the first time in three years a couple of weeks ago, I had applied for a bottom of the barrel
job I was rejected because I was not contactable (which was a lie), after getting this news I broke down in silence not because of the job itself but it just seems to be the the story of my life thus far, whenever I try to get up I always seemed to get told why I have already failed before I’ve even begun, try talking to my friend about but we have such different views on the world and have very different back rounds, I just find myself tired and worn out by everything, I get up in the morning and realise that my dream was just that a dream and nothing more, the reason it’s taking me so long to kill myself because I wanna do it where no one will find me, and then I can be forgotten by the few who still remember me.