Hi,
I’m Velvet. I don’t want to kill myself, but I am thinking about it. I’m thinking about it because part of me hates myself. I have no one who would really give a damn. The people that are close to me, either take advantage of me or abuse or dismiss me. So, I am nothing and nobody to anyone. So, what’s the point?
That’s basically it for now. I’m at the bottom of a huge, big barrel that’s always been there, waiting for me. Waiting to absorb me.
Well, I don’t know if I should stay in bed all day tomorrow and lick my wounds, or if I should go to work and be the zombie that I am most days. Going through the motions, smile and pretend to be a normal person. Work hard, hard, hard, to be happy. Pretend , pretend, pretend I am normal.
My heart is dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. Nothing there but bloodiness, rotted branches mangled into a tangled scarlet knot, dripping red, seeping out the life that was there. Little, by little, God is ending me. Breaking my heart in pieces, and pretending in dreams that may come true, if I have faith and all that crap. Just let me sleep forever, like Sleeping Beauty; waiting for Prince Charming. He never shows up and I die and life’s up. That’s what’s really there. Make the outside look good. Fake the good, fine, okay life. Me smiling through bloody tears.
3 comments
You’re very poetic. I see you pain illuminated through your eloquent words. I am a collector now in my advanced age… I collect all the good moments of a good day in my memory which enable me to get out of bed and function on the $h!t filled days. Cherish every good moment. The bad will pass. It’s not worth taking a life over.
Hey Velvet. You sound like you’ve been through a lot of stuff. I know what its like not being able to trust someone, but if you ever want to talk you can always email me (click on my username and look through my posts for my email). I’m always free and willing to talk and I promise I won’t judge or ignore or insult you.
Hey Velvet. You sound like you’ve been through a lot of stuff. I know what its like not being able to trust someone, but if you ever want to talk you can always email me (click on my username and look through my posts for my email). I’m always free and willing to talk and I promise I won’t judge or ignore or insult you.