How am I supposed to live like this? I’m not allowed to mess up,nt allowed to be different. At least that’s how it feels. No one will understand me. No one can ever know about what I do. The kind of things I contemplate. IM IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!!! I’m not supposed to think like this, I’m supposed to walk around and gossip, and talk about boa like the rest of the boys. I’m not supposed to keep a razor hiden in my room, in not supposed to look forward to being alone, I’m nt supposed to go home as fast as I can do I can destroy more of what I have taken so long to make.
But I can’t help it. I can’t stop thinking about the addictive pain I need to constantly feel, I can’t stop hiding from my loved ones. I kniw I can’t hide forever and I know that one day someone will find out. But I dread the day it happens, although I am constantly waiting for someone to ask. No one seems to notice, not even when I take off my sweaters so my wrists are in plain sight.
I want to lie, that’s all I want to do. I want some one to ask me what it is, I want to say it was just my cat, I want them to know im lying and comfort me and tell me it will be okay. That’s all I wanr. I want someone to cry with, to cuddle and sleep, to hide with. But no one seems to care, no one sees it. And no one will ever know. Because no one cares enough to believe me.
I love life, but is it really worth all th things you have to face? I want to let go, but I can’t. Not forever. How am I supposed to live this life everyday???
how do u do it?
1 comment
I just think about the things I’ve overcome in the past.
Whenever my current situation seems to suck I just remember past times when things sucked and how I got out of it and back into a “normal” life. And I tell myself that “This time, too, surely things will get better.”
Usually they do.
You shouldn’t feel like “I’m supposed to be like everyone else”. Instead just think “I’m supposed to me” and do what you want to do. Act how you want to act. Be comfortable with who you are.
Society wants us all to be a certain way and we’re expected to fit in it somewhere. But in reality we are all different and do things differently. Some people fit into the “this is what you’re supposed to be doing” stereotype more easily than others.
You shouldn’t cut. I did it and I want to stop. There must be a better way to feel better. Find something you enjoy and do that, or find a new hobby.
Maybe people do see your scars, but they don’t want to say anything. They might be scared to say something. Or they might feel that if they say something, they will make you upset. I’ve seen scars on other people before, and I’ve never said anything. I feel like “It’s not my place to ask about that.”
Some days are harder than others and we just have to wait for the day to be over.
Create / Find a dream / goal for yourself and work hard every day to achieve it. That’s what keeps my going. I still have big dreams and I’ll think about them every day and work hard every day to get closer and closer until I reach them.
And then I’ll find a new dream. And if it’s not attainable, then I’ll replace it with another one.