My life is bullshit. some would say I’m lucky, I mean, I got things that all materialistic people want, I’m not poor and I live in a fairly decent house, Even I, a 14 year old girl owns her own summer house. but the things that i have, don’t represent how shitty my life is, every night my mum is screaming and shouting at everyone, me, my sister, my grandma. my father left me at young age, not that I care.
I used to be called a prodigy, on top of everyone else, best scores, ‘teachers pet’, A* everywhere. they called me an artist, a mathematician, a hero? now they call me dumb, stupid, a failure.
I got bullied through my primary school years, ‘nerd’ ‘geek’ ‘goody goody’.
I got hated in year 7, ‘Annoying’ ‘*****’ ‘faker’ ‘liar’
then when I reached year 8, things settled, I had many friends, my school life was what my primary school me would call a dream.
The end of year 9, I was ready, my expected grades for everything where A*’s and some just A’s.
Beginning of year 10, I was pumped, I knew, thought, that I was going to fly through my GCSE’s. Everything was going well.
D’s, C’s, N/A, U’s. and one A*. ‘THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!’ ‘NEVER EVER DO THIS AGAIN’ ‘DON’T WASTE MY TIME!’ ‘I thought better of you’
Idiot. teachers hated me, homework incomplete, i can’t i just can’t do it.
it’s the half term holidays now.
im not going back, im not going back to school,
im not staying, im not staying here in this hell hole, my so-called ‘home’
I want to die! but i don’t want to die, i love life, i love people, i hate myself.
so im going to take a random dose of medicine this week, hopefully ill just get sick and have to stay in hospital, not going to school, that’d be nice.
but i might die, and im fine with that,
i just want it to stop, that’s all, im too scared.
help me. im scared, i don’t want this.
i hate it.
i want to go.
i want to dream.
i want to have fun.
6 comments
Sweetie.. Please don’t do this. You are bright. And I believe in you. All of those mean words you were told.. do not define you. they are not true. All you need is time to heal.. <3 You are a gift<3 God made you with such tender love and care.. Stay strong and please be brave in this life. Not to take your life.. but to stand tall with a bright smile on your face. (: Theres hope in the beauty of the dawn. Hold on, pray, dream and live<3 it will be okay!(:
-Shadow
I wish I could reach out and help you.
I understand the pressures of school all too well.
Up until 8th grade I got straight A’s. My father pushed me so hard. One time, in 7th grade, I got a 100 on a test. At first he said “Congratulations”. Then I told him there was a bonus question worth 5 points and I got it wrong. Then he got really mad “Why did you miss it!? You didn’t study hard enough”, he said.
Bullies say those things because they are envious of you. They don’t know how else to react. They take out their frustration on another person.
In 8th grade, I got my first grade below an A. It was a D. I had been in advanced classes that were already really hard for me. Then they put me in Algerba. It was too hard. Everyone was disappointed in me.
I thought the teacher hated me, but it wasn’t true. I visited her again a year later and she said she was frustrated with herself because she couldn’t teach the material in a way that I’d learned it. She felt unqualified to be a teacher because I wasn’t learning in her class. That’s why she was angry. Not at me, but at herself.
People pressure you and say those things because they want a bright future for you and want you to succeed. Unfortunately, they don’t know the right things to say.
Some student react well to this type of pressure, and some don’t.
I don’t think your teachers hate you. I don’t think your mother hates you. They are just trying to push you. And it sucks because teenagers can only be pushed so much.
But it’s okay. You’ll get through school. Your grades will improve and you’ll get through. If your classes are too hard or too advanced, you can ask to be in a lower level class. It’s okay.
Please go back to school. School is your ticket to everything else. It’s not necessarily what you learn in school. But just graduating and completing high school and college, regardless of your grades, will open SO MANY more doors for you.
There are a lot of things you can’t do without a high school / college degree.
Please don’t give up now. Please don’t take any medicine that could harm you.
When I was in 11th grade I stopped caring. I stopped doing my homework and stopped studying. I skipped school to play video games. And I met someone on an online game. He told me that he didn’t go to college and it was the biggest regret of his life. So he said to me “Stop skipping school. Please go back. And go to college. Please don’t become like me.”
And so I took his advice and I started studying again, ignored the pressure from my father, and I just went to college. I’m really glad I did (despite hefty student loans).
If I hadn’t gone there it would be literally impossible for me to have the life I have now.
So I want to pass that message along. Please go back to school. Please keep studying, despite what anyone says to you. And please go to college.
You can do it!
saving lives over here.
that drop from the heavens is a doozy
Now I need to save my own.
I had bad grades in school, some of my mates had good grades, I guess they were more disciplined now than I was and maybe still am. But do they earn more money than I do? Nope. It’s all in the attitude. Do not kill yourself over some lousy grades, whatever you do stay cool and don’t take shit from anyone. If you feel the assignments give you headaches, take a break. Don’t try to be perfect, instead be excellent.
Okay, you sound like an amazing person. You definitely don’t sound like one of those assholes that bully people for the fun of it or because they’re jealous. And you definitely don’t sound like someone who deserves to die (yes, there are those types of people).
And honestly, I understand your plight. Loving like, loving people, but hating oneself. Hell, I’m barely 16 but I’ve read around 4 thousand books and lived as many lives. And all of them, even the worst, seem better than my own.
I’ve been bullied too, but I’m not nearly as smart as you are. And I’m way lazier.
My point is with all of this; you don’t have to die, you don’t have to kill yourself. I mean, I’m a hugely pathetic person, utter trash compared to you (and not just because you’re smart), but somehow I’m still alive. And I don’t say this to dishonor the memories of past suicidals, but to make a point.
And that point is that I minutely understand what you’re going through and if you ever need someone to talk to, please email me. I’m free most hours of the day (and night) and I’ll never judge you, ignore you, or insult you. And I’ll let you in on the secret of dreaming.