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soon…

by kateralia

My original intention was to comment on someones post – suicide is not selfish. It is only viewed as selfish by those who are angry because you are nolonger there to be used & abused. That is how it will be for me.

In 1 week I will be homeless.  I really feel like I should give up right now. Everything has fallen apart, but replacements are falling into place. My ‘best friend’ whom I live with has replaced me with one of her friends & her 2 little kids. I have lost my sister to the clutches of my mother, so I am no longer needed in her life.

I am unable to do many things,  so I am not asked at all. Even the kids are ignoring me. I feel I’m completely invisible. Im only there when someone wants something from me, or wants to ‘kick me around’.

I said today that I was going to the library, & I got this weird look from her, as if she was saying ‘how dare you think about leaving the house’.

Yesterday I stopped their new dog from escaping. She almost got through tge hole she dug under the fence. I should’ve let her go. She has continued to dig holes that were started by the previous dog, & no one listened to me when I pointed them out.

I know I said I was going to wait out the year, but can i really live on the streets, waiting for 2 months? I’m not that sort of person.

So as of next wednesday, I will be homeless. Possibly thinking of taking a train ride to townsville or cairns, using my pension rail vouchers, & just disappearing from everyone before they even know I’m missing.

 

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13 comments

seppuku 10/21/2014 - 7:38 am

Hello.

kateralia 10/21/2014 - 10:42 am

Hi

DeathDreamer 10/21/2014 - 7:54 am

Homeless.. that’s pretty f*cked up. I’m sure you’ve thought this through but do you have a job or any means to support yourself so you can get your own place?

kateralia 10/21/2014 - 10:44 am

I have no other ‘friends’. I cannot work due to the pain I suffer. I only get the bare minimum that centrelink (government) will give & I’ve got bad credit.

snuf 10/21/2014 - 8:19 am

That’s how I feel sometimes as well, they don’t want you to go because that would mean one less person to take their own selfish frustrations out on.

Two months? I’ve lived on the streets a few times, none more than a week though, and that was difficult at that. I’d imagine two months would be insufferable for someone as yourself. Not trying to put you down or anything, just pointing out that I would imagine that as being difficult and i’m still a young buck while in your post you stated how you are no longer able to do many things. Sorry if that came off as harsh, it truly wasn’t meant to.

And, “I have lost my sister to the clutches of my mother”? I don’t quite understand that. Would you mind divulging any more information?

kateralia 10/21/2014 - 11:05 am

Its all good snuf. My mother is a psycho, to put it bluntly. She believes she god or a prophet & is a great manipulator & story teller. Had to get an AVO on her cos she wouldnt leave me alone. Mind you I was 19 when I finally left home & actually saw what she was doing. Anyway, my sister did the same. Got out when she was 19 & still had nightmares when she was 40. But now, shes fallen into believing mothers tales. Probably as a result of going through breast cancer & her husband leaving her. Gee, you could write a great (or horrible) story about my life!!!

kateralia 10/21/2014 - 11:05 am

Its all good snuf. My mother is a psycho, to put it bluntly. She believes she god or a prophet & is a great manipulator & story teller. Had to get an AVO on her cos she wouldnt leave me alone. Mind you I was 19 when I finally left home & actually saw what she was doing. Anyway, my sister did the same. Got out when she was 19 & still had nightmares when she was 40. But now, shes fallen into believing mothers tales. Probably as a result of going through breast cancer & her husband leaving her.
Gee, you could write a great (or horrible) story about my life!!!

snuf 10/21/2014 - 12:20 pm

“Gee, you could write a great (or horrible) story about my life!!!”

Couldn’t we all…

Well, I wish you all the best My mom and I are having enough trouble feeding ourselves at the moment and neither of us are the best of roomies. Hopefully you can snap your sister out of being brainwashed by your mother.

Shephard (Disavowed) 10/21/2014 - 10:13 am

I’d put a roof over your head if you were across the ditch where I am. Being homeless is not cool and I know that all too well. I didn’t mind being so when it was just me, but now…uh…there’s no way I’d ever survive on the streets again. I do have family in Queensland, though I’m unsure whether they’ll be able to house you on such short notice.

Sorry I never comment on your posts anymore, Kate. But please keep us posted up to, and including, the day you’re thinking of punching your ticket for that last ride. I am so fucking sorry that I can’t help you, but I hope to at least help you through the next week hopefully… Although it’s not ideal, could Canberra give you a state house on such short notice?! Or is there an emergency housing scheme you can take advantage of?! Ugh…

If you think myself or anyone else can be of assistance to you – gis a holler, Kate.

kateralia 10/21/2014 - 10:52 am

Hey shep. Its ok, I’ll deal. Can’t get any lower now. I dont make many posts at the moment, just taken myself off another drug my stupid doctor put me on. Made me see double & stop breathing when I slept, which was all the time.
The housing schemes here are disgusting. I got asked if I could afford private rent (not around, not discounted) & I said no, I was then told promptly that they couldnt help me. Another place told me to ring another & they told me to ring another & another etc.
Brisbane is shit for homelessness, thats why im thinking of disappearing up north.

Shephard (Disavowed) 10/21/2014 - 11:56 am

🙂

Oh, I had no idea about the housing situation in Oz? You’d think that since you have a disability they’d look after you better, but no… It’s disgusting. I’ve stopped taking both my antidepressants since they made me real queasy. The only side effects I’d experienced were waking up like I’d been buried under a pile of rubble and losing my breath/shallow breathing when idle.

Geez…it must be early for you? It’s going on five for me.

Anunnaki 10/21/2014 - 11:23 am

Not much room at my house but maybe my parents wouldn’t mind if you stayed. How lame is that, mid 20’s still live at home. Shame you don’t live down here I’d help you out Kate with a bed

kateralia 10/21/2014 - 6:08 pm

According to the government I am not disabled & able to work. They do that tho. They tell ppl who are clearly disabled, from birth or with a proper diagnosis, that they can work.
Its funny, I get offers of help from you guys, total strangers, but nothing from my ‘friends’.

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