suffering

I feel that the world should pay and those i envy should feel my pain. Why cant i be like him, he is beautiful fits in and finds friends anywhere. I lock myself away from the world my soul it hollows every day. When i feel pain it makes me feel alive again, oh what i would do to feel joy and to be alive. I wish we could trade places but then i dont wish this feeling on anyone to everyone. Sometimes i want to go out on a bang so my message could be hurd unlike every other suicide that is forgotten. Other days i wanna go die alone deep in a forest never to be found. If only i knew how to make myself better instead of letting the world pass me by. My biggest fear is dying forgotten and alone which seems to be happening. Please god send some one to help me before i do the wrong thing making this world feel my pain. But there was never anyone there just me losing my mind . Is it better to die alone and forgotten or to take action onnthose you envy and make them feel this pain …sorry if this offends any of you just being honest on how i feel forgive me if i do the wrong thing