All of my problems are emotional/mental. I want to be dead so badly. But I can’t because I’m afraid that some dumbass doctor will “save”/torture me by making me a quadriplegic or a vegetable or something.
I’m so fucking desperate to die. It PHYSICALLY hurts. It’s ALL I think about. But several million years of evolution and my fear of messing up is keeping me here, screaming at my rational and moral brain to not kill myself. Base instincts and fear…
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Try this, grab a wooden chair, some plates, glasses, an axe, an old tv, an old toaster, some vases, go to the middle of nowhere, and break it all in a rage.
I can relate to what you’re feeling. A few months ago I felt like this for 2-3 weeks straight and after ending up in a hospital from an overdose it went away for a while, I felt lucky to be alive. But it struck back twice as hard this time and I’m not resisting suicide anymore. But I’m scared of what comes after, it could literally be anything. Hell could exist or we could be reborn into lives much torturous than this. There’s still some fight in you. I hope you make it through.
Thanks for the support. I tried knifing some cardboard since I can’t afford to destroy my stuff right now.
This is so bad. I’m literally at the point where I feel so horrible I can’t even think straight long enough to plan a suicide that has a good chance of succeeding. I can’t risk doing something stupid and injuring myself without killing myself… I need drugs to get me to the point where I can think and plan again, at least. I am going to the doctor to beg for drugs this morning.
where do you stay or which country you from? If we stay in the same country we hug each other and jump off the building. I have a location but lack guts.