Is the point of life eventually finding that sense of belonging, inevitably with a significant other? What if I don’t think I can find that comfort in anyone else? Am I destined to be alone, searching for something that doesn’t exist? I think the worst part of my best friend of 14 years telling me she never liked me and god knows what else, is I only found a sense of belonging with her and it was completely platonic. This world is so lonely, experiences don’t mean much if you don’t have anyone to share them with. I’m not big on relationships, I don’t really want someone to love, I just want a best friend. And that I think is why I’m destined to drown in this loneliness. Yeah I’ve got other friends but they all leave me with doubt from time to time that they like me, I’m paranoid. I’m also picky, I say we’re friends but I don’t like them with all my heart, it’s half-assed. Maybe it’s a trust issue, maybe my mind is too outcasted to connect with them, maybe there’s no explanation at all. The loneliness makes you feel invisible, though. Floating through the streets doing the same thing every day, waiting. Waiting for something worthwhile to happen? Something to make life worth it, something that makes you think if you swallow those bottles of pills someone full heartedly would care, not just the people who would be simply sad. Is there a purpose? Are we hopeless?
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
6 comments
Loneliness is something that has been apart of my life for years now, to know that nobody really cares if I’m alive or dead, I can’t see a point of going on much longer if it’s going to be solo. I tell myself that a chance encounter and my life can change, and it’s true, but how long does one wait for it to happen, will it happen. I’m sorry that you and I, and so many people of this world are alone and are desperate not to be.
I don’t think that’s the point of life at all. I think the point of life is to find a point and bludgeon it against a wall until it’s so dull that it no longer qualifies as a point, and then throw it away. Because a dull point is no point at all. But if it can’t be dulled by the bludgeoning, then maybe it’s a good one to hold onto.
If you are half-assed in your relations with others it is not more than logical that they are half-assed with you. Sorry about your best friend, but either he/she is pissed of at you (which does mean he/she cares) or it isn’t that much of a friend.
Why do experiences don’t mean much if they’re not shared with someone else? I can’t phantom that. Live for yourself! You are the one (and the only one) who can make or break your life, friends, family and love (unless it’s your love) are overrated.
@name They don’t know I’m half-assed.. I hang out with them all the time I just don’t feel like the full connection. And my best friend didn’t care, someone who cares wouldn’t have said the things she did.
I know exactly how you feel. Sure life is bearable whilst drifting through it on your own, but the only truly enjoyable memories are those that you spent with others. And it blam!-ing sucks when you’re paranoid that they don’t care cause (speaking from personal experience) it drives you INSANE. I’ve spent night after night sobbing over the idea of being alone in this world but the truth is the only person that can change that is yourself. You have to spend day after day after day looking for that one person that truly makes you feel at home, someone that makes you feel like every single one of those thousands of lonely days wasn’t just a waste of time, but worth it, because it lead you straight to them.
IMHO life doesn’t work like that. You’ll never feel a full connection with anyone, you’re lucky if you feel enough of a connection with someone to share your days without getting irritated too much. Besides that I do think people automatically pick up on you not going the distance there are three things which are more important;
– You don’t need friends to have a succesfull live, what is their value for you?
– Are you absolutely certain that she wasn’t angry? People who are angry do really weird things and tend to be overly aggressive.
– How do you want to be? What type of person do you want to be? I especially wouldn’t want a friend who feels half assed about our contact, I’d rather have no friend at all.
Especially the last question is extremely important.I say, live with dignity, reasonably and with honesty.