I am 22 and I feel like I am living because I have 2, since I was a child I always knew I was different from the other kids, I was always wondering about death and where I will go… my parents got divorced when I was a kid, I actually don’t remember anything of that, but I remember being raped… since then I have been a lonely person and I am really afraid of relationships with guys , I had friends, but for some reason I ended up cutting the relationships with them, is like, a lot of people know who you are but you actually don’t care, I hate facebook, and all that stupid stuff, I am not a social person, but sometimes I wonder… when, when I will feel that I am complete in life? I attempt suicide like 6 times, I used to be a cutter, never a burner… and the only moment I actually felt something was when I was dying… I am in college right now, and I hate it… every single day I asked myself, for what its worth? why I am doing this? is not like I will feel any better out of this… life is terrible, its hell, why would I try to make a better of it? makes no sense, nothing makes sense… sometimes not even music makes me better… I feel like I am empty and I am breathing because I… I don’t even know…I have depression every single day of my life, every single day I am totally abused by reality, a reality that I don’t want be in, why god choose this terrible world for me?… I just feel like a constant need to say goodbye.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
i never really thought about the fact that cutting and burning are diffrent things but i suppose they are……thank you for the insight………i have been through rape……i often feel uncomfortable around other people, and sometimes, even tho i know it’s crazy, i’m afraid they can tell, like they can smell it on me, or something…..it’s really difficult to speak about this……i only am because i hear it’s supposed to help and thu the medium of anynimity i’m trying to walk up to the idea……….anyways, i guess this has lead to alot of social anxiety….i don’t like having to wear a mask around other people, i wanna be able to be myself, i dont really feel like i can do that, because of what has happened……so i avoid peole all together, even friends i have had for a really long time……
What I find after reading the original post and the reply above, to my utter dismay that both those human beings have been through the horror of Rape! It is a kind of trauma that only the one who had to bear it will know, I can only try that much to empathise!
I guess both of you know by now that this is a cruel world, where Darwin’s law of ‘Survival of the Fittest’ cuts down the meat of innocent people without batting an eyelid! So the world won’t reserve even one iota of a tear for anyone of us here, it is like that and it will be like that forever! And all that ‘God Stuff’ is a heap of crap!
That is the total bad news, but still even in this deplorable world there is good news also! I don’t know whether it will ring in the ear of anyone of you, but it is there for sure, no one can deny that. I know it is near to impossible for you to trust anyone, after what you’ve been through, but if you pay a bit of attention to the people you come across each day, you will find better people, at least one or two.
You can find a good friend or two, that doesn’t require one to be social, that can be someone within the family as well. But for that you need to keep the door ajar at least that you have slammed on the face of the world. You don’t need to open it outright, but just keep it ajar and peek through it at times.
Ending one’s life is one’s own choice, I strongly believe and I will not lecture anyone on that since it is also my preferred choice. But as long as you live, if every day of you will be such miserable, then it will hurt even more and might even make you lunatic before you die! So it is vital to find enjoyment in the little things of life before taking a well thought out call, not something done in haste that will only cause more trouble than good. Good luck!