For three years I’ve been depressed, as the doctors say. Last month I hit what felt like rock bottom. Still, I feel like I don’t deserve to talk about it here. I feel like I should be happy since everything comes so easy to me. I’m so angry with myself for purposely failing my tests and I just want to hurt myself for hurting everyone around me. I feel so guilty. I love my family and my friends and I’m only hurting them by feeling this way. The pain and emptiness inside is overwhelming, and only seems to be growing. I don’t know if I can take this much longer, but I must. Because I can’t hurt anyone. I’m angry. I’m scared. I feel stupid and weak. Why can’t I just be happy?
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2 comments
The first step to get better is to accept and let go. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It seems like you have a great heart for everyone around you, and once you can let go of this guilt, things will get better. You deserve to be happy if you let yourself be happy. Be strong, we all care for you <3
Maybe you’re angry at yourself because you’re empathetic to the feelings of others and don’t want to cause them any more pain. Focus on the fact that you don’t want to cause pain for others. Take it a step further. If you do something to make someone else feel happy and loved they’ll respond. It becomes like a feedback loop of positive emotion.