the people on here, this website, are true sufferers- they are drowning in poverty, surrounded by nothing but their own crushing thoughts and self-accusations. they have reason to scream and sob and choke on depression.
i am 16, popular, a brilliant student, a violin prodigy (slight hyperbole), an extrovert, horror movie addict. my parents are established- “dad” has a Ph.D, mom is a retail genius. we are upper-middle class, gorgeous home. i’m an only child so they shower money on me; where else will they dump their earnings?
the question to ask, then, is: am i allowed to be so sad? why should i have the right to be so fucking wrapped up in my own world that i cry as if tomorrow is non-existent? compared to these genuine soldiers of hardship on here, i am nothing. i don’t deserve the satisfaction of being upset, of being devastated. i am merely a bitter teenager, exercising my expected rebellious stage to the fullest.
i hope someone disagrees. i hope someone understands that pain is relative; that just because i may not be in as terrible of a situation, i too can feel absolutely destroyed.
i hope someone comprehends that, although the scenario of being constantly told by my parents that i don’t deserve their love, and that my self harming tendencies are nothing but a mere embarrassment to our family, and that i’ll never amount to much because i don’t really know how to do much of anything, although these scenarios are minute and frivolous and completely insignificant to others on here, i too feel suicidal. i too pray every night that i die in my sleep, that i won’t wake up the next day.
5 comments
Everyone has a story. Everyone has different thresholds of pain, and how much they can deal with. For you, i’m guessing you realize how well off you are, yet feeling like you do, with people who you perceive as having things worse, in turn, makes you feel even more like shit. I understand that.
And I will tell you to buck up, but i’m not blowing smoke up your ass either. This is coming from a complete degenerate that use to smuggle dope and shoot at anything with a pulse whilst growing up in one of the poorest hoods in the entire states, if not world.
I’m not trying to get your pity, i’m trying to explain, that in your opinion, I am a degenerate. But, I do understand what you’re going through, and i’m gonna push you aside because you’re privileged. In a lot of cases, those with the most stuff, have the least support. And i’m guessing for you, that’s more than true.
All suffering is suffering no matter the circumstances
You are definitely not insignificant to me. And i want to die in my sleep too.
Yes, you’re allowed.
“i hope someone understands that pain is relative; that just because i may not be in as terrible of a situation, i too can feel absolutely destroyed”
I’m sure most people here understand that well enough, without having to be in your particular situation. I can relate, since a lot of people’s stories here make me feel very…lucky. And just like you, in several ways I am. The money-showering sure sounds nice though, hah. Wish I could have that. Still, upper-class does not necessarily equal happy. Elliot Rodger, for example. Although his reasons and thought-processes were pretty fuckin’ absurd.
Those scenarios are definitely not insignificant. Being told you’re an embarrassment or not worthy of love is pretty fucked up. For someone to hear that from their parents…that’s a big deal. What I don’t understand is how they could possibly think that, when you describe yourself as a “popular, brilliant student, and a violin prodigy”. You don’t really know how to do much of anything? What the hell else do they expect you, a 16 year old, to do? That’s not enough for them?
You are allowed to feel sad.
You can be as wrapped up in your own world as you like.
It’s your right to feel.
You aren’t an embarrassment.