I really am sorry. There’s no reason to complain. I have a supportive family. I’m not starving. I’m just a selfish self-absorbed pathetic shrimp. And yet, I hate falling asleep because I know I’ll wake up to morning light, and another 15 hours of pain and guilt.
I dream of a spontaneous accident. I wouldn’t have to raid the medicine cabinet for a “suicide attempt”, only to detonate my liver.
I don’t even cry anymore. I don’t feel anything, really. I’m just a blob, a shell. A disgusting grey mouse. People suffer in the world, yet my scope of life revolves around my trivial problems.
Please, be honest with me. Admit that I’m a dead-weight on my family. That my bleak thinking is ridiculous. Because it truly is.
Why does it matter, in the end? I’ll sleep eventually, whether in 80 years or tomorrow.
Tell me that I’m the epitome of teen “angst”, that I’ll grow out of this, that I need to focus less on myself.
2 comments
Well you said sorry to start. That is good. We all have things that we need to be sorry about.
in one way or the other we have all been selfish in some situation or have hurt another person
either buy out actions or our words. So we all need to be forgiven.
So lets say you have said
your sorry, admitted to some of your issues and now your forgiven.
Now what you need to do is
work on changing yourself. Try to mature in your attitude towards life. Life is a good thing and you have already admitted that you have good things in your life. Learn to be appreciative for the good things in your life. A lot of people have it much worse. Learn to enjoy your life. Enjoy what you have in front of you. Enjoy the company of other people and when you start to reach out to other people to be a good person to them and to help others then things will change for the better for you too. You can change any aspect of yourself at anytime.
You can find the most perfect person today. Maybe a guy who is Kind, careing, generous, curteous to others and does so much to help others….. and he might tell you. 25 years ago I was an asshole to everybody. I treated people like crap and didnt care about anything.
But Then he will tell you HE CHANGED and you can too. We all can change Nobody is born out of the womb knowing everything… nobody pops into the world a perfect person with all their ducks in a row. Life is a journey and you can grow and change along the way.. that is the point to life. To live and learn and change for the better and to come to appreciate life and to appreciate other people.
start now.
Youll be in inspiration to people someday down the road and you will be able to help others
and your story of how you changed will help others change for the better too.
Good luck
Thank you…I’m glad you were honest…
I’m a mess of conflicting emotions. I don’t enjoy living, yet I have few worthwhile reasons to hate it. I hurt myself occasionally for no reason at all, and am careless about hiding it – and so my family is burdened with that worry.
I don’t know…I just ache, dully. I don’t shed tears. I’m just a shell. Perhaps that’s my fault.
But thanks for the input, either way.