Dear whoever,
Is there even anybody who reads this? Or maybe we’re all just self indulgent in our misery :/
Anyway here I am, this is new. I feel silly. My boyfriend abuses me. Mostly emotionally but sometimes physically. It’s not stopping.
Tbh I must be really unlucky or been a dictator in my past life. I was adopted because my parents were too young and too high on some kind of drug, I don’t know which they never told me. Unfortunately my adopted parents weren’t…great? Well my mum mainly, but I blame my dad more because he knew she was hurting me but ignored it.
So I guess I was always going to be messed up in some form. I moved out at sixteen.
Ive had shit relationships, who hasn’t? But now I’m in this one and I think I’m trapped. I have no family. I’ve alienated my friends. He is all I have. We live together. I don’t know what to do. There goes the ‘I feel pathetic’ feeling. I should leave him but then I think I deserve it because who else goes through that much shit in their life? I must have done something bad.
I haven’t self harmed in years. I’m quite proud of that. Lately it’s getting harder to resist though.
Lately it’s getting harder to hope things will get better.
14 comments
No one deserves to be abused. Especially you. It wasn’t your choice to be adopted, then to be abused. You deserve to know that you have a right to be happy and a right to live. I hope you find the strength to make the decision to leave and do something for yourself. You deserve happiness.
I hope you get better… and I can’t forgive who abuses innocent people… the most unforgivable thing abusing girls, woman… I hope you find new Boyfriend…
do you have any close friend or best friend? talk to them… maybe they can help u…
Do I deserve it though? Who decides what we deserve? Maybe I am a bad person and I haven’t realised it.
Maybe we’re all bad people and that’s why we have bad feelings and thoughts.
Side note; how did you change your profile picture?
??????
“I should leave him”
Yup.
“but then I think I deserve it” (…) “Do I deserve it though? Who decides what we deserve? Maybe I am a bad person”
Irrelevant. Even if you had committed some horrible crime, your boyfriend doesn’t get to be the arbiter of justice. It’s not in HIS place to dole out the punishment, even if it were deserved.
If you have qualities or behaviors you’re not proud of (and we all do – no one’s perfect), if that is the source of your guilt, work on changing those things. Don’t put up with abuse, even if you feel you’ve done something wrong. Allowing yourself to be abused does nothing to right the wrongs, after all, and worse, it allows your boyfriend to go on thinking he’s entitled to abuse people.
I have no friends. In this day and age does anybody have real friends?
I think everyone does bad things at some point in their life but it’s not fair that some of us want to die and others go through life loving it all happy.
And on the profile picture I don’t know!!! It just came up as this for me, I want to change it but don’t know how!’
I push people away, I’ve figured that’s why I have no friends left. I withdrew, treated some like crap, but others I felt I was there with them through all their crap but mention the word depression ad the advice I got was “come on, pull yourself together , try and think of all the good things you’ve got and smile!” I wish it was that simple!
I have a pink ps2, that’s pretty much the only good thing I can think of -.-
Fml (is fml still a thing? screw it, it is now)
I also have the pink version of the ps2. It’s awesome. But as a guy I get a lot of weird looks…
Hi TeaAndBiscuits,
I don’t think anyone deserves to be treated badly. No matter who they are and what they have done.
I girlfriend abuses me too and I let her. I’m much stronger than her but I let her hit me and hurt me. Pathetic, right? I’m trying to leave but it’s hard. From my few therapy sessions I gather that I’ve never felt loved by my parents and feel wrong and like I don’t deserve love. I guess I don’t have any advice but maybe it helps to know that you are not alone.
I hope that you will be more successful than me.
There is nothing wrong with being a man with a pink ps2.
I used to hit him back but now I’ve stopped, I always felt worse and I thought he would stop too but its starting to get worse. Over the smallest things too hmm.
Therapy I don’t think I can afford that, does help? Isn’t it just the same as talking to people on here? I always imagined it was just people getting paid a lot of money to listen to you.
Therapy helped me. But you have to get lucky and find someone you trust and who understands you. I felt really good after a session. But after first contact with my girlfriend it was all gone. So I guess I’d have to break up first and than therapy might help me to stay out of dysfunctional relationships in the future.
There are some techniques other than talking that are supposed to help. I was supposed to think of a situation in my past that represented one of the issues I’m having and she tapped on the palm of my hands. Sounds weird and it was kind of weird. But it helped. There are other similar techniques that are supposed to help.
Usually the first session with a therapist is free and you can try it and see if it might help. I don’t know where you are from but in my country health insurance covers therapy. But you have to wait a few month to get a spot.
I don’t come here regularly but It usually helps a little so try and come back 🙂
I have to go he wants me to go downstairs. Thank you for the replies. I think I could like this forum.
T&B x
I’m glad you found some support here, T&B. I agree with everyone else, nobody deserves to be abused at the beginning of life. If you were a bad person in some past life, then whatever god or justice there is should’ve punished you THEN. The idea of punishing someone in a new life, without them remembering what they did wrong, is like beating a dog for tearing up the trash a year ago. I think you just got dealt a rotten hand in life, just like the rest of us here. I don’t know what the solution is, but whatever you do, don’t blame yourself for this cruel world.