Jumping into the void

It’s not like I think everyone hates me although I have never been loved by anyone except the people that are obligated to do so. We can’t choose our family someone once told me. If we could…would I have been chosen at all? I know that my absence will be a momentary sadness. I have been alone for so long. Fading in between the lines of their book. Into the crowd, just a forgotten ghost. I don’t even know how to handle company outside of family. Before it perturbed me deeply. But now I prefer to be alone. It is safe, predictable even if the loneliness is not quite comfortable. I don’t have to please the void. I simply become it and it becomes me. Apologies to those strangers that have told me to stick around. I am not asking for a savior to talk me down from the ledge. I just need a place to put my thoughts. Stow away your efforts for someone that can, and wants, to be saved.