Why?

I don’t understand why these thoughts wont ever leave me head, its seems as if no matter what I do I’m never good enough for anyone or I’m overly selfish.

The fact of the matter is I am not. I always go with the flow and do what everyone else wants to do, and they always seem so happy. Its not fair its like no matter what I do I’m not happy.

Its gotten to the point where I’ve been overly abusing LSD so that I can actually get that euphoric happy feeling but it never stays for more than the high lasts.

The other drugs don’t work, I’m so worried that if anyone finds out that I might kill myself no one will want to be my friend.

I live every waking moment dealing with over bearing anxiety and my mind automatically goes to the worst possible scenario every time.

Even the music I play and write isn’t making it go away anymore, so it looks like tonight might be the night.

The only thing that I am worried about is that it’ll hurt the one person i care about most in this world my mom. I’ve written my note.

I guess I’m looking for a reason to live, someone to truly care, I just want someone to talk to who will listen to me and understand and maybe even be able to help.

I hope i can find that before its too late. I just want to be happy for once its all I’ve ever wanted I haven’t truly been happy since 5th grade.

If anyone reads this and you find out that I’m gone or that no one was able to help me remember to try and at least help someone else because one person really can make that difference.

Mom if you somehow stumble across this thanks for everything this isn’t your fault. I’m so scared of people judging me and just thinking of me as a psycho because I am not strong like they are.