I’m turning 19 tomorrow but I feel like my life is over. The one person who I was close to is having her funeral a few days later. No one else matters to me anymore. I’m thinking of just ending it today but I know she would’ve never forgiven me. I wish there was another way but I can’t help forming these thoughts in my head. And to think, it would be so easy. The pills are right in the other room. How hard could taking an overdose be? The only thing that’s making me think twice is being viewed as pathetic from her. I’ve never said this to anyone, but she was the one and only person I could completely trust. I loved her. No one knew while she was alive but we had an intimate relationship as well. I tried to be there for her when I could but I guess it wasn’t enough. Her dad constantly abused her. Called her names, hurt her emotionally and physically, and even raped her on a regular basis. She told me to not tell anyone for fearing of being separated from him or being ridiculed by him ever more. I listened to her and didn’t tell a soul. She was only seventeen and beaten to death by her dad almost a month ago. Her dad got away with it without any charges. I can’t forgive myself for keeping quiet. Maybe if I had said something sooner she’d still be alive and here with me. I stopped going to college and just started drinking and cutting myself. I’ll never forgive myself for as long as I’m staying here. I might as well die before the funeral as I won’t be able to show my face there. I just want to disappear. I tried to hang myself but my brother walked in on me and cut the noose before I could succeed. I deserve to die. If there’s anyone else responsible for her death besides her dad, it’s me. I wish I could go back and get her help, but I can’t. I wish there was something else I could do but the only thing I can come up with is to die and go see her.