Birthday

So the plan I had created, exactly October 24, 2012 is still in. And I have to say I am really proud of myself. Because on that day I wanted to go home and kill myself. But I told myself, “not yet, because you’re still a kid. What if your life gets better after your graduate.” So I graduated high school that year, and I made a promise that I will try to community college and then transfer to University, so experience life a little. I decided to let myself try at least one semester in university, away from my parents and family. And try to experience life alone. Try to put myself out there and find friends. Get a boyfriend, experience my first kiss, just do something that’s different you know? And I did. I went to university. And I found the most amazing friends ever. But, my life is 10x more shittier than it was before I came here. I find myself crying everyday. About the exact same stuff I was crying about in high school. How I’m still just the same loser girl. I find myself saying I cannot wait until I kill myself every waking second. I don’t know. I  don’t know what to do. So here’s the rest of the plan from that day of Oct 24th. If my semester of college didn’t go right, on my birthday I was going to kill myself. Or am. Because it’s not going right. Life was just not for me. I’m too weak for this world. So I’ve been counting down for 3 years to this one day comes. Until my 21st birthday come and I can just finally be….gone.