Broken trust

Last night i was so angry with myself that i broke my glasses with my bare hands. I’ve started cutting again after 2 months of being clean. Of course my girlfriend had to see my wrists and she said i broke a promise to her and she did not want to ever speak to me again… she claims i broke her trust by cutting. She doesn’t seem to understand that cutting isn’t something i can just turn on and off again, and that i don’t cut for attention or to make her mad… she hates that i smoke weed (????) and she hates that i starve myself sometimes, even though shes an inch shorter than me and about 90 pounds. i try to explain to her that its an illness, because who would ever wish to be in my situation for fun? apparently im the worst person in the world. After breaking my glasses and even a little before i’ve been having horrible mood swings, violent ones, and she told me… She was scared of me… Do you know what its like to have someone you love more than anything in the world tell you that you scare them? or to tell you that they don’t trust you? its fucking awful. It makes me want to die more than usual… i just don’t know what to do about her, i love her so much… She knows i wish i was dead. ive told her before, she calls me selfish because i “dont think of my friends” when in reality i do think about them all the time, and how they wont miss me at all. i was gathering up stolen pills for awhile that i planned to take a few months ago, but i flushed them all for her… i flushed my old blades for her… i started eating three meals a day plus snacks for her… i stopped smoking weed for her. she says im not trying. i just wish i was dead.