I’m at breaking point again. I fell off the rails big time 2 years ago after I was sexually assaulted twice by two different people in 3 months. It took me a while to get back on my feet. I have been to see psychologists and councillors all of which who have different diagnosis and long waiting lists. I thought I could do this by myself but I can’t, whenever I am reminded of either assault in any way I freak out. I’m scared all the time, I’m scared of boys, I shake all the time, I can’t do public transport, I’m just lost.
I’m 23 I’m at university but I’ve quit my course so many times and then come back. I only have a year left but that year seems too much, another day seems too much. I live by myself because I can’t handle living with people I don’t know and none of my ‘friends’ wanted to share. My parents and I don’t get along and I don’t even remotely miss them now that I’ve moved out. All they use to do was tell me I’m useless and dumb. People think I over exaggerate, you’re parents can’t hate you.
yes they can. After one of the assaults I told them I was going to the police about it, silly me actually telling them! They told me not to because I’m an embarrasment to the world, that they don’t want to be associated with me and it was my fault anyway, how can I blame someone else if I can’t look after myself. And you know what they’re right!
i can not do this anymore! I want to close my eyes and know I’m safe just for once I want to know it’s all over the pain will be gone!
3 comments
It’s not your fault. There’s some creepy bastards out there but there are so many good guys out there too. Give yourself some time to breathe maybe go on a vacation (I am doing that this weekend). I’m doing exposure therapy with my therapist, it has been painful but it’s starting to look up. The key is to find a therapist you really can connect with. Maybe take one class at a time at university. Whatever you do – don’t give up, things will get better. Take it one day at a time. Good luck.
I’m so sorry, you know what, you’re parents are wrong about ALL of it. (I know parents can be filled with hate for their own offspring. When that happens, somehow we have to learn that doesn’t reflect on us and that we’re still valuable, worthwhile, lovable, dignified human beings. The way society is, it’s so hard to do…)
You’re obviously quite smart (especially if you got into uni), and there is never anything any person could possibly do to “cause” another person to harm you. All blame for violence belongs squarely on the perpetrator and not the victim, however “preventable” it seemed. It’s on them to respect you and honour your boundaries. Please never let anyone tell you otherwise. Is there a women’s centre near where you live? Or even a full-fledged women’s shelter that maybe has day programs for people to drop into? If one-on-one counselling waiting lists are too long, then how about a support group? They’ll usually let you just listen and not speak about yourself, and that’s where you can learn you’re not alone and might find some friends who can really support you.
**not speak about yourself unless you’re comfortable