I’ve been trying to believe that he is, but it’s stupid and crazy and i’m giving up hope.
And sadly now that i feel like this I don’t have any hope or happiness to toss around to anyone else. I’m back to wishing I could find an easy way to end my shit lonely existence. There is no easy way of course, we all know that. But there are ways.
If I could erase the memories it wouldn’t be so bad but that’s impossible. If I could shut off how I feel and how I felt then, that would solve this too but that won’t happen either. How I went from being the love of his life (so he said) to someone he completely and totally ignores, has shut 100% out of his life, and I did NOTHING to deserve that….I can’t understand it and even though I tell myself to quit trying to understand it, I don’t quit trying. He’s Jekyl and Hyde and I”m over here shattered and I”m too damn old and too damn tired to do this anymore.
I’m glad there’s a place to vent this, but nothing helps anymore.
6 comments
I’m going through something similar, with the difference being that I did something to deserve it.
Do you really feel it’s his fault? If so, why do you wish him back? I used to be very good at moving on from sad parts of my life, usually by reminding myself of the bad things about the people who are involved. Does he really ignore you? Did he never tell you why he left? If there is any way you can try to ask him so you have a better chance of understanding it, do it. There is a reason you don’t quit trying to understand it, it’s because every human deserves to know why bad stuff is happening to them.
If he just tossed you aside for no reason, I’m sure there are others that truly deserve you. I’m not even necessarily talking about a relationship – Friends, too.
I wish you all the best. You’re not alone, we’re with you.
You should never feel bad about being human, instead lern to hanese your emitions used them as your greatest strength,not your weekness, mind,body,soul,emoitions must all work as one, I hope that helps.
I feel the same way. I’m in love with someone who doesn’t even give a crap about me. I’m pretty, yeah, but I get rejected more often than a lot of fat and ugly girls out there. I just want to die… I will be happier this way. If there’s an afterlife, I won’t feel pain. And if there isn’t… I won’t feel pain either. I just want to get the hell out of here!
three moons, come walk with me my friend. i do not have answers for why he did what he did. i can barley explain my own stupidity, much less someone elses. his stupidity, and your loss and pain has been a great benefit to me. yes, i know thats selfish. sp has shown me thats its ok to be selfish, and that it can help others. i could go the opposite path of what i choose and could bad mouth my ex, and tell all the hidden, nasty, ugly stories. their are plenty. i still love her too. i try to carry that love with me. she sneers at me evry time i try to express it. thats painful. its painful to let her go,but what else could i do? i have found a place to where i can release that love, that caring,and not be sneered at,granted its a computer screen,but i take what i can get.you are my friend tm, and i love you much, and care about you deeply. “come in out of the cold and warm up please” those words still make me cry. and always will. no matter how much magic i believe in, i will never be able to match that which you lost,nor meet the criteria you set forth. all i can hope to do is try and ease your pain,alleviate the lonliness a bit, and try to help you through a hard time that i know only to well. please come in out of the cold tm. a warm fire and some hot chocolat. you are loved tm
Hear hear tc. Three moons, you help so many on this site, lost souls who desperately want understanding which you give so generously.. and know when you are feeling low we all want to support you.
I’m in the same place there with you. I was cast out of his life for very little reason. Very painful when you consider that he was talking about “making things more permanent” just days earlier. The holidays are really tough when it comes to things like this – they just magnify them. The only thing I can think of is to focus on something else. They say if you try NOT to think of something, or someone, it just makes you want to do it more. The only way is to try to crowd that thought out of your mind with others. But I’m not very good at taking my own advice either.