My life is more than fine, its actually great. I’m about to pay off all my student loans next year. I have a job that pays well with comprehensive benefits. My husband is amazing, and we grow closer every day. I have my own side business doing something I love. So, why can’t I seem to focus on the good?
Why am I so overcome by pain, sadness, emptiness, and fear that I can barely think about anything else besides the serenity of death? I just want to sleep, and sleep forever. I don’t want this life, and nothing in it seems worth waking up every morning for. The good things just seem like a distraction from the thinly veiled reality of life – that the name of the game is just staying alive.
I have already decided that I want to end my life, but I can not seem to decide to end my life. I feel so much guilt relating to the people I love. Many of them sacrificed greatly to get me to where I am. I am also an only child and a daddy’s girl, and the thought of putting my father through such pain stops me cold in my tracks.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wishing I were dead, I just want to focus on happiness like people say I should. I noticed that most users of this site have legitimate reasons to be depressed (such as illnesses/afflictions, addiction, poverty, or a lack of support from loved ones) but I feel kind of like I have no excuse. I just want everything to go away. Is there a cure for that? Or does someone else feel the same way? I would really like to hear from someone else who feels this way.
6 comments
Hey! I totally understand how you feel… Everything in my Life is great, I have nothing to complain about, but still am thinking about taking my Life just about everyday. I have the best job in the world, a girlfriend who loves me, the best friends there can ever be, everything seems perfect. But I feel so Empty, like nothing matters, like I am worth nothing. I don’t know what to do, I just want to stop feeling that way
to be honest, this post confuses and baffles me.you say that your life is fine, that it’s more than fine, in fact it’s great.and from what i’ve read you have all the basic necessities in life covered.you have a proper job with good benefits, you even have a sideline doing something you love;both of those things some people (like me) would give anything and everything to have.you have a loving husa
hSo5a7qRSzsV
to be honest, this post confuses and baffles me.you say that your life is fine, that it’s more than fine, in fact it’s great.and from what i’ve read you have all the basic necessities in life covered.you have a proper job with good benefits, you even have a sideline doing something you love;both of those things some people (like me) would give anything and everything to have.you have a loving husband and family.so what i don’t understand is where the heck does all the ‘pain, sadness, emptiness, and fear’ come from?i genuinely want to know.you have everything a person wants to acheive in life, you are stable so why end it?why not enjoy it?why not be grateful?if you do have an underlying condition why don’t you seek the advice of a health professional?
i guess what i’m saying is, don’t throw away all you have worked for, don’t shun or take for granted the blessings and good fortune life has seen fit to bestow upon you.i mean, don’t be too hasty as to think that suicide is the only option to (i don’t even know what to call it) to fill an emptiness in you, i guess?
you have a good life, if you can maybe elaborate on what makes you want to end it, because from what you posted, in my opinion it’s such a waste to just end a good life without having exhausted all other options.
sorry for the double post, i accidentally clicked the post comment button before i was done typing.
dear person, you are trying to rationalize a condition. depression knows no rationalization. it does not discriminate, it does not care. you dont need an excuse. being a life long sufferer of depression,i would suggest seeking help. start with daddy. he may not understand it,but illl bet he will move heaven and earth to try and help. im also verey jaded on mental health pros, but in this case i will make an exception. find somebody to talk to. pro or non-pro who will listen. i came across this site by accident, and my end date is now three days behind me. please, child, read, learn, and above all FIGHT this horrorable thing. it is really hard for those of us who have lived with this for so long to hear of people starting to suffer from it. its really kind of funny, in a way.those of us who have made the decision, carry so much hope and compassion for those still struggling. just because i want to die, doesnt mean i want you too. you may be the one who breaks through and discovers how to beat this thing. please try to imagine my surprise when i discovered, instead of being all alone in this, that their are thousands and thousands of us. who knew? i really hope my words have been some help. their are no easy answers to this. life can gain its joy and beauty back, but it takes work. please, dont give up and keep fighting
Maybe the issues is the need to “fill the empty void”. What if the emptiness is OK. Stop trying to fill it. It’s a bottomless un-fill-able impossible pit. Ya keep tossing junk in and it only makes you depressed. Accept this emptiness, get comfy with it. Learn to roll around in it.
As you’ve described it, your’s seems a case of biological/chemical imbalance rather than emotional/circumstantial. So, please do seek medical evaluation. Your condition might very well be treatable.