Uh i just need to write this to someone,maybe this time someone out there will hear me i can’t do this anymore being ingored by everyone.So i guess this is a blog where we share our suicide stories it is my first time doing this i hope i don’t get judged even in here.So here is my story..My name will remain unknown for reason but i am 16 years old.When i was a little kid i was very very outgoing never shy of anyone i would always laugh and be happy i can say i had a pretty good childhood.but everything changed when i was 10 and both my parents died in a car accident.Me and my 2 years older brother got to stay with our grandparents.I was so sad all the time i would always think of my parents i still do i still cry every night wishing i could have them with me.My parents were very religious so was i till i gave up on God since he never helped me i would always cry out for help pray everyday and night but nothing god better so…well…how can i say that i turned to Satan.What made me turn to Satan was that when i was going to school i got terribly builied from many kids beaten got home with broken nose,bruises and they made my life a living hell.While i would pray to God to stop them nothing would happen.One day that i was getting beaten i prayed to Satan for the first time and one of the kids maybe it was a concidence got a minor a heart attack.After a few years that i thought of it i couldn’t believe how stupid i was to believe these things and now i am an Atheist.So…the real trouble and pain began when i went to highschool.remember what i told u about my character as a kid i was the complete opposite.Even now when i talk to people i blush for no reason i can’t look them straight in the eyes i don’t know i am super shy.anyway the bulying continued in high school but i could bare with it i had only 1 friend and that would make me happy enough to still believe things are gonna get better.After a year he left from town and i was left alone.I have no one i guess people in here know the feel of being alone forgotten and nobody giving a shit about you.I became completely misarable and unable to feel any happiness.Nowdays i get anti depression pills but they don’t help so i found a way to cope with something i can deal with and this is self harm.I can deal with those scars that’s why i have to do it so i can feel i have control over something because the emotional part is so damn hard to deal with that i…i just can’t.And now i am here being left alone again crying over my life why does this have to happen to me i always wonder what did i do wrong what could i have done better.Anyways life doesn’t have any purpose so i’m just giving up.Thinkin about suiciding by cutting my veins cause it’s the only thing i know how to do.Nobody can change my mind it is over i guess this is my last message to the world but i guess again nobody will see it or read.I will do it next week i guess i wanna still search for a reason not to do it but i know it is in vain…Goodbye i guess and to anyone that reads this or replies i want u to know from the bottom of my heart i don’t know u but i love you with all my heart
P.S sorry for any mistakes in the text but english isn’t my mother language
5 comments
Don’t pray to satan. That is one of the worst things that you could possibly do. Continue to pray to God. Things will turn out fine eventually. You’ll see. My life sucks too but I haven’t and I will never give up on believing in God.
welcome to sp. please roam around the site, read the stories and responses. since coming to sp, i havent found too many judges. i have found people from all over the world with similar stories and problems. losing loved ones is a traumatic event at any age, doubley so at your young age. you know how your parents were. if they were here, would they be worried for you? would they seek out help to try and get you passed this? would they want you to be suffering like this? how sad that you had to grow up so much faster than your peers. but you did. i am glad you made it here,and others will be to.all we can do is try. all of us here ,young and old carry that same pain. it is the common thread that binds us togeather and run through all of our stories. we all seek the same result, not death, but release from this pain that makes simple living so difficult. no, you do not know me nor i you,we are just faceless entities on a computer screen. but i love you back, very much, and desire to help you through this very difficult time. i hope you will reconsider your decision and try some more. i know its hard, have been their many times. please, feel free to write, anytime. as far as bullies go, they are cowards who prey on others to boost their non-existant self esteem. stand up to them, beat the crap out of them, let the hospital deal with them. they will leave you alone. hey, my senstive side is only for those who deserve it. again, much love to you, and good luck
Um wow i never expected anyone to answer thank you is not enough to describe how grateful i feel that someone out there maybe cares about me a little bit.Yesterday after i wrote this i went out and roamed the streets alone as usual but this time i met a girl.she is the most beautiful girl you have ever seen when i looked into her eyes i saw something that i can’t explain with words i don’t know if u understand how i feel.anyway i think I’ll stick around a little bit more because i want to see her again and again everyday..
Well, I don’t know if this option is available, but if the main problem (cause) is still bulling – try some sports club, such as boxing, karate, any martial arts. The training may not only help to stop bullies, but also harmonize/stabilize your soul/mind.
Also, isn’t there some way to change schools? I assume, you still live with your grandparents… Do they know what’s going on in the school? Maybe you could go to a boarding school in some other city? Wouldn’t your grandparents help you to solve this problem one way or another?
So sad to read your post, after your parents death, to be bullied is the last thing you need. It’s so hard to think straight when you have to worry about going to school, and what’ll happen to you, because of the selfish behaviour of these bullies. I understand how it can be so demoralising for you if you let it, please be strong, it’ll end and you’ll be free of them, you’re better than them. Please try and find a way to stop self harming, it may help you cope, but it’ll became a habit difficult to break. Lastly, there are reasons to live, at 16, you have so much ahead of you, please see this, SP is a good place to find a way to keep going.