valueless

I hate my life and everyone surrounding me,I hate everyday because I have to pretend to be happy while I was and still am depressed for the past 12/13 years.I tried to commit suicide once but failed that time I thought it was God’s way of telling me everything will be fine but it wasn’t in fact it got worse.my parents got divorce and I started to blame my mom because she was the one who cheated on my father who was a very committed husband and father as far as I know him.then i started to blame myself for everything.i considered myself as a bad luck for everyone and watching my dad made me think all his work has no value at all,useless it couldn’t even help him keep his family so,why bother? Why have a family from the start? because of this my depression got worse and I started to cut myself and abuse drugs that way I couldn’t feel the pain.I tried to make my dad happy but I couldn’t. I lost contact with my mom for about 2 years.I am surrounded by bad and careless people.people who want to know your story because it make them feel good about themselves. I observe them they all are bunch of bloodsuckers.I wanted to kill them and then myself for long time.I want to kill them in a very pain full way,I want to hear them scream for the pain to stop like I have been doing for the past 12/13 years.