When it comes to tell the truth

Capture that. I’m in english class at the back. Everybody is writing exept me. I’m staring at this blank page since 1 hour. I look at it and read the question that the text is supposed to answer: “what is happiness?”  Do anyone really know? I mean i don’t know if i’m happy or anything so what is the real meaning of that word that everybody seem to know but me?

The teacher finally says that the class is over  but, when i give back my paper, she stands up and says as loud as she can to all the class “look how idiot you have to be to give me that unstarted text! Your parents must be so proud of you small brain! So you seem not to know what happiness is? Or maybe you know too well of what it is? Tell all the class then smartass!”

I’m a shy person. The teacher just like really went where she should’nt have gone. So i stand up in front of the class and tell the truth. I actually just said these sentences “no i don’t know what happiness is. You know, i’ve seen my best friend die last year in my arms as he was bleeding from his wrists. He was in my arms. I never  forgot that moment and i think about it everyday. Also, i’ve got raped two years ago in a halloween party. I never knew who it was. I’ve tried to kill myself more than once but i guess death doesn’t want me either. Maybe you all know what happiness is but i don’t remember the last time i wasn’t depressive”

i then sit down silently and wonders if i’m the only one that search someone who actually can understand…if it exists…