Today is the 2 week mark that I haven’t taken pain killers. I AM CRAVING THEM SO BAD. But in their place I am cutting myself more and drinking more. Whatever I can do to try to make the pain go away. I miss the pills, like I miss the effect. I didn’t feel anything, I didn’t think about anything. I just sat there. And I like not thinking, because I don’t think of all the bad things. I don’t have to remember everything that I’m trying to forget. But I am trying to stop cutting myself, so when i wear short sleeves i wont be worried if someone is looking at my ugly scars. Mrs. Smith was suppose to call me out of Class Tuesday to talk, but she never did. But that’s okay. I wanted to talk to her about me and how I’m doing and how I want the pills more and more. But it doesn’t matter now. Nothing does anymore.
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First congrats on your 2 week drug free anniversary. It’s a big step on your road to recovery. However turning to cutting and alcohol is not going to help. Going from one vice to another isn’t going to take away your pain, its only going to give you a new and more difficult addiction to overcome. If you’re able and willing and not already in counseling, get involved so you can safely heal your pain. I do understand the feeling of cutting as after 16yrs I relapsed today, so I can’t tell you not to cut. I will say be very careful and don’t cut to deep. If you need to talk I’m here to listen.