I’ve felt, for a couple of years now, the same damn emotions. is that even…its hopeless, I’m not even sure why I joined this site, it’s always the same. no hope.
I feel so alone, hopeless, anguished, crushed, so inadequate, so incompetent, and just so sad….this gut wrenching, soul sucking, back breaking…heart breaking sadness…
and I tried, I truly did as one last fight before I welcome the cold, dark, dead hands of suicide.
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I am sorry you feel so hopeless. Please keep fighting. This pain, this gut wrenching, soul sucking, back breaking… heart breaking sadness… it is not you. It is the depression and fighting it is the worst thing to bear. ‘
Listen, I have dealt with it for many, many years. There is an endless despair that tortures us beyond reason! No one should have to face it. But you are you and you are important. I hope you take this to heart this moment (anyone and everyone, please).
Our depression is the opposite of this. We fight and complain of the pains and we see it as us. We are the horrible thing that is keeping us down. NOT TRUE!
That is what the depression wants you to think. Odd to think of depression as a intimate being. Isn’t it though? The pain and hurts are stronger than anyone on the outside can imagine. And the sooner we acknowledge that the depression IS separate from our own nature (a nature that has been squelched by the depression), the sooner we can see ourselves in a new light.
I would give you a hug if I could. I would stand by your side and help you see this is true. Take baby steps and find what you need. You are the most important person in your life and you have the key to find your way out of this.
Best wishes to you!