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Ive become a shell of who i was

by Gebrochener Mann

So… not really sure where to begin. how about I start simple. Im 23 years old, practically still a child, and yet I feel like its all ready over. I feel as if I’ve already seen the best the worlds is going to offer me. With each year that passes i find myself growing more dormant inside. I’ve watched many family members die, had people that i called brothers and sisters betray me, had my heart broken by many girls, even my wife when she cheated and left me and spared no time getting pregnant by three different guys back to back starting 3 months after leaving me. If you made a time line of the past 23 years of my life I can show you the point in time when things really began to change for the worse and I could keep on explaing in detail how the events that followed corrupted my way of thinking and how I corrupted myself by not thinking to compensate for the vulnerability I felt. What i cant show you is were my heart is… All that remains is a empty whole that no one sees. I can even forget that its there temporally threw the course of the day but as sure as the sun will set and a dark sky greets the sad light of the moon I feel the hole throb again reminding me of its missing occupant. It longs to be healed like any wound does but how do you fix a hole so large? Misfortune, death, and our worst enemy man himself (including myself) are to blame for the sorrow, the doubt, and the anger I feel. Ive become a shell because of it, hollow on the inside. I can hear my own thoughts and memories echo inside, constantly playing their sad tune. Its a maddening sound. All I want is to feel normal again but I know that I will never be whole again because I am already dead and nothing has brought me back to life. Dying on the inside is worse then death itself. Death at least is kind enough to remove you from the role you’ll no longer play.

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krazykaze007 1/15/2015 - 4:51 am

Dont waste any more time dwelling my friend, as much as you been through.. there was still good in it, I am sure you enjoyed some happy moments. Now that time has come to pass, a new beginning awaits you, with a different beautiful girl. More adventures more memories. And if that fails, enjoy the good moments, discard the bad and move on. There are over 1 billon women out there, and they are all different. You need to take this time to understand, it’s the end of 1 movie of your life, and the beginning of a new one.

Now, if you dont change your attitude to positive thoughts right now.. the longer your dark movie will continue, more time you will waste, opportunities will be missed and the older you will become. Be awesome. Enjoy your next adventure my friend.

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