Like the title says; i have lost ALL interests. There are still some people whose companionship I prefer above others but one hand I prefer to be alone but still need people around me at times. Currently I get this at work and after work it is enough; this is exactly like in my high school years.
Again I am reading a lot.
I am reading mostly read about older civilizations and technology.
My issue is how the world is being run. What they say about dictatorship is that most people prefer it because it is simply less messy. But we need one in the form of spiritual leadership. I think more people will agree with this if you read the meaning of it.
We need one unity and focus all our resources on technologies that we can implement now. My only reason for not going to a hotel on the top floor, smoke a lot of weed take a few pills to shut down all my nerves and jump is that I want to enter politics or at least perform one last act which I currently to do by writing book on this.
But I am not sure what I am writing. Maybe it is my suicide letter or rather book compiling all the bullshit that we have in humanity and which we all should reject.
For example people who divorce. My dad has done so three times, this should be stopped the moment there is a child involved. We should not have people reject people based on sex or anything but that what makes us human! Such as kindness, consideration, selfishness and other traits such as these. People like these should be parents.
But at the same time we should also not be overprotective, instead we should build strength because we need to be wise and consider that we are not always on this world. To believe in God is however sin for me because to believe in living life for the afterlife is dangerous. This means that we consider the next more important the current; subconsciously this somehow makes people less likely to stand up for injustice in the present.
We get upset because of in-differences; I wonder why do we have this? Why do we consider basic needs things that we need to buy. I think that people just receive based on what is normal the basic. That means yearly money for clothes, daily packages of food which are healthy and based on evidence that prevents diseases such as cancer. Me meaning cancer has no meaning I just think that if we do the opposite of what makes us ill would advance us in evolution. I am not terminally ill but do believe I won’t make it past 40 currently.
I am not sure why but the world needs to start much larger steps forward because otherwise because of my speech I will end up death or because of my own hands.
This is all is something that has bothered me for years since the day I got born actually.
I was born due to the insecurity of one woman according to my father. But my father himself is not a brave man. He is an passive-aggressive man; this I mean in the literal sense. What he showed me was abandoned and aggression. The only good thing that I learned from it is to stand up for myself but I know that is not true. I learned this because of my dog actually. He was strong and when someone tried to mess with me they knew that it was never just me and that always made me win any discussion because I do not seek fights so I never had a reason to lose a discussion.
The only difference is that other people do seek fights, but what they always find out is that I do not walk away. Since I am not afraid of the death I stand up and speak my mouth. I lost my job because I pointed out that my employer paid 2 million too much to dealers as commissions; actually our entire work existed due to these system errors. By speaking up I lost my job but I had 2 weeks later a new job so it was not a problem. But it still bothers me that these people want to keep jobs alive rather than solve things. They treat me like an enemy of humanity in a way; but it is not true they just fear change and release that anger on to me. In the end they never did anything with it; even though I had given them clear and simple instructions; I still gave these on my last day when I got my exit documents. I think they probably just threw them in a trash. Then they refused to give me a recommendation letter which I just wanted as proof from them that I did well there; I mean I found 2 million euro! Of course they refused it and came with all the false accusations that I did so far and was the reason why I ended up escalating her.
My colleagues were cowards that did not want to lose there job and one of them always tried to escalate me because I waited depending on the payment terms up to 5 weeks before doing one specific task. She tried to get credits by showing how many of these she did and I was pointing out that it meant she made double payments in about 33% of the cases and also proof. Not as an attack that she does something wrong but rather the system. On every complaint I wrote an answer back and never got an argument back as I always broke all of theirs.
In the last month my manager even denied me to go on a business trip for which I had prepared privately as well as it would mean going to my home country and I would stay there during the weekends which meant I had time for my friends that I had not seen in a long time.
which had a good reason as it would mean doing double work as we would have to do it once and then again to make sure we did it right
But also due to this behavior and what followed I think of them as enemies of humanity.
I do not wish them death but I do wish them to change over time or through natural death and having no children. I do not believe that these people can teach good. My father could not and my grandma places the ability of accepting death by telling me details that no child should know; I was abused when I was 1-3 this plus the knowledge that I had no happy year in my life so far is the reason why I can accept that and that is because I know that humanity has no hope.
What I want is for humanity to change but I do not have the hope. Of course I know there are good people out there but I fear it will be too late for saving our current civilization and we will more then likely go back to a period of war…
3 comments
“What I want is for humanity to change but I do not have the hope. Of course I know there are good people out there but I fear it will be too late for saving our current civilization and we will more then likely go back to a period of war”
Humanity is a rough animal to change because it’s collectively made up of people with diverse backgrounds. One’s definition of humanity in one place may differ from another’s. From the beginning of time, there have been clashes and wars. Judging from history, those wars aren’t going away. There will always be problems that aren’t solved diplomatically.
All that said, perhaps it’s a good idea for you to do your best to contribute positively to humanity. You won’t solve the world’s issues but you can at least make your small piece of the world more tolerable. If there are things you like to do, pursue them.
If there are problems at work, and there seem to be, do your best to continue performing well while looking for alternate work. Just don’t expect paradise in the workplace. There will always be colleagues who work against you and bosses, by nature of the position, aren’t necessarily your friend.
When it comes down to it, there are some things in life you can control and some you can’t. Don’t let the things you can’t control wreck those you can. If you’ve lost all interest, maybe it’s a good idea to speak with someone. Life doesn’t have to be miserable. There will be storm clouds but there should also be sun, too.
ty for the words, i made a comment separate in this topic.
Actually my life is okay, everything is arranged well by me. I do well at work, my new job is much better as the manager is much younger but from a diverse background so I do agree with you. But these things you can also teach, I mean we can say that multi culti is good but you should only wish to adapt the good.
If you get in fight at school then you get taken out of the system for a while. I simply think that at one point it should end. My dad made my life a misery as he was not emotional there for me. I was mature enough to tell him this. But I was also strong enough to go on my own. I needed till my 18th and then 3 more years in college. My dad had let me do what I wanted for my entire life up to the 7th grade I was the tallest kid in the class because I had skipped one grade and would had probably continued to do so if it was not for the drama around me because of him.
I attempted to kill myself when I was 19 because I was done with it. I woke up and the year later I moved away from my home country.
I see the positive, I surround myself with it but I cannot walk away from what humanity is doing or actual I cannot call a lot of people humans because they do not act like this.
We allow it to continue because of allowing bad people or badly skilled people which it is more to foster children. It is not on a social level but when it involves finance people turn bad.
We should just sum up the worldwide resources and say this is what we get each year-month-day and share that.
I am btw not poor… so like I said, I do well…