After reading some of the replies to my post “What if its God’s plan?”, I’m no longer quite sure if it is His plan. However, my plan included buying a burial plot and headstone without my wife’s knowledge. I paid cash for the plot in the cemetery where my father is buried, and put a deposit on a tombstone that matches his. Whether or not I complete my plan, it is still important for me to see my headstone placed in the cemetery My plan involved getting a credit card (again w/o my wife’s knowledge) to pay for the stone. I do have a pre-approved Am Ex card offer (no interest for 15 months!) that I can send in, and just make minimum payments. But, if I don’t commit suicide in the coming months, and instead die in an accident or from natural causes sometime in the future, no one will know to bury me in that cemetery (about 100 miles away). I don’t know if I should just tell my wife, because when she finally realized how depressed I was a year ago, she wasn’t very supportive (“What, do I have to worry about you know? If you need to take something, go see the doctor”) If I tell her, I fear she will not understand at all, and the already uncomfortable situation at home will become unbearable, which might have the effect of convincing me to finish carrying out the plan and just get it over. What do I do? Should I just continue carrying out the steps of my plan for now, or tell her about the burial plot and gravestone, so that I don’t have to finish paying for it in secret?
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In a previous note, you mentioned looking at hundreds of suicide sites (some spiritual) and stated goals/hopes for your son and pet. It seems like your son is working toward his goal (ROTC) and your pet continues to pull through. Maybe it’s a good idea to get some in-person spiritual counseling? With the time and effort you’ve spent (and will continue to spend) on pre-maturely planning your death, there may be other options. Life doesn’t have to be miserable but sometimes change takes time and effort. Talk to someone; for your sake and your family’s.
I don’t really have advice on whether you should tell her or not. However, in the meantime or if you don’t tell her, then add a write up on the will that explains where to bury you.
I agree with both of the two ppl who commented. First as a child of parents in their twilight years, my parents do not have up to date wills. Let’s say you give up the plan and die of natural causes, your family still need to know your arrangements. It helps no one when dealing with funeral arrangements to deal with out of date wills or not be able to even find it in the house. If executors or beneficiaries in your original will are dead or you only have a copy, one word. . . Probate.
Second, if you go for counseling whether through a pastor or Christian Clinical Psychologist, you could ask you wife and counseller to meet at a park. Someplace nuetral and without the stigma of an office (if that is a problem for your wife). With your counsellor there, tell her.
The best thing i ever did was write a letter to my spouse explaining my suicidal thoughts. I couldn’t actually get the words out. He hugged me and said he didn’t realize, but he was taking me to the dr the next day regardless if i wanted to or not. I nearly hyperventilated talking to my dr, but it helped. I later had to confront someone close to me who was depressed, but expressed it through anger. My spouse’s calm assurance helped me speak to this other person and they too got help.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. When my wife initiated updating our wills, it just seemed like a push towards the next step of the plan, but they did need changes made anyway. I know that leaving directions as to burial arrangements in the will won’t solve my dilemma, because either my wife will discover the instructions, or if I die in some other manner sometime in the future, all the arrangements would likely be made locally before anyone contacted the attorney. I realize there are many people with far worse problems than mine, but just by taking the steps of the plan that I have already taken, and by lying to my family doctor when she asked if I had a suicide plan, and again lying when she made me promise to tell her if I make one, I’ve dug myself into a pretty deep hole. Again, thanks to all of you for replying.