The worst thing about a break-up isn’t necessarily the fact that you broke up with “x” person. It’s the memories left behind. As I sit in my increasingly frigid apartment, I remember our time sitting in the spot where I am now, watching Top Gear and enjoying each others company. Thats the worst part for me.
I spent the first 21 years of my life living in hell. There is a higher power with a wicked sense of humor. Every attempt ended in utter disappointment. Someone had to be laughing somewhere. The shining moment where I thought that I’d met someone who would always support me, make me a better person, and love me, unconditionally, ran after a “premature use of the L word” and lie about my personal past that I wasn’t ready to share, yet. Except, I didn’t say it to him and I took it back not 3 minutes later. Euphoria is a state that forces your existence into a shadowy dream realm. Where you think you are handed the best and in fact, are given the worst. It’s a jaded place where your most dear hopes and dreams are ripped away.
So, as I sit here in my empty living room, it’s not the physical cold nipping at my body that pains me most. It’s the coldness that’s settled in my soul where a sun once burned.
1 comment
I think that may be the worst part about a relationship, that fact that so much of your own happiness is dependent on this other person, that may completely disappoint the hopes that you had for a potential future. The greatest trouble is finding what good, if any, you can take from the end of said relationship. How am I better? How am I wiser? Am I, in fact, any of those things? I think the most important thing is to remember that no matter how bad it hurts, hold cold it gets, there are other people out there that have experienced the same things and that they have found a way to deal with it (at least for the time being). I am one of them. My soul is often cold but I have found other ways of warming it up.