ok so I am 14 years old and my whole life has been decided for me. What I mean is that my parents are controlling me and deciding my whole life and there is NO escape! It’s completely normal for all of this in the country I live in and 95% of the people from my country are the same but they just never complain and find it completely normal.. 🙁 some of my online friends told me “don’t worry you will be free once your 18” but no that’s not the case here. Here your parents will control you till you’re married (and they will decide who your husband is) after that my husband will control me (I need to take his permission before I go out, he has the right to tell me whether I should work or not, etc…) so what my parents do? Well I am not allowed to date, I am not allowed to wear make up outside, I am not allowed to talk to guys, I am forced to go to an all girls school, I am not allowed to study abroad (this one is fine for my brothers though), I am not allowed to get out of the house without someone related to me, and the list goes on and on… The things you thought are normal to do arent allowed for me to do :'( I don’t really wanna go any further on this but I wanna ask, if my whole life is being decided for me and there is no escape then what’s the point of living…? Would you really wanna live a life that is decided for you? I honestly thought of suicide so many times but I am always too scared to do it and my mom always told me that people who commit suicide go to hell and I am scared of that too..
anyways THANK YOU SO MUCH! For reading all of this! 🙂 I created an account to share my story and any comments are welcome. Thank you again <3
23 comments
I would kill myself. I kinda understand. I’ve been to jail. Everything is decided for you there too. I thought about hanging myself with the bed sheet every day. If i went back I would do it. Its not living. Freedom is everything
Jail! That’s the perfect word to describe my life! 🙁 but I am too scared to kill myself right now, I will wait a year or 2 and might do it.
Thank you so much for the comment! I am really happy people are reading my long post 🙂
In jail they laugh at the mentally retarded people locked up the guards and the real criminals are so bored they torment the poor mentally retarded people. Its sick. They lock you in cell 23 hours a day feed you animal slop and deny medical attention. My finger is all fucked up for life cause they didn’t fix my broken bones. I’m never going back. They will have to kill me. Nobody should live in jail. Takes away what separates humans from animals. Need freedom. Jail is worse than prison. Jail is where they torture you so that you confess to bullshit you never did so you can get moved to prison. I didn’t eat for a month in jail. They don’t care just let you die. Many die. They get sued and nothing changes. Shake down and steal you money. In america it is a crime to be poor and black. Both and you might as well kill somebody. They lock you up for nothing. For nothing you only get 5 years lol
Are you living in Arabic country or in India?
Just a guess, your post seems so.
First of all, let me tell you that you have an option – wait till 18 then emigrate. Finish the school and emigrate. Damn, it is pretty stupid to control women like that. Had you gone here, you’d have never been treated this way. Don’t worry so much, btw 14 isn’t the age to wear make up or meet boys, wait till 16 with it, and remember that make up gives you spots. It’s why I don’t wear it. 😛 Calm girl, if it is so bad there’s a lot of solutions 😉
Yes, I am living in an Arabic country so yeah it’s normal here 🙁
Lol girls around my age or even younger wear TONS of make up here! And they always wear heels too xD and “dating” in general is bad and shameful here regardless of your age.
Like I said, even if I am 18 I can’t emigrate or anything. I have to obey the rules my whole life 🙁 anyways thank you SO much for commenting and reading my whole post! 😀
Eh, don’t worry about make up, you are only saving your skin 😛 You can emigrate! Why you think you do not. The same you don’t have to agree for marriage etc. You’re not a toy for anyone. I know you have strict surroundings but when you end 18 you can run away! Just, finish school, apply for a job abroad and go. You’re free then. And dating boys sucks, I had maybe 6 or 7 in 2013 and I confirm that they are stupid so you lose nothing xD Just your tears. But. Seriously, you don’t fit there. 🙁
I am not really worried about make up and such, I just mean that my parents don’t allow me to do stuff normal girls can do 🙁
I can’t emigrate because I can’t get out of the house without anyone knowing! And even if I can (which is almost impossible) my parents will fly (or send any of my brothers) to pick me up and I will get beaten up my parents and brothers and all my family it’s just too scary and they will even possibly tell the police that I am missing… And I have been stuck inside my house and always around my family since I was born, I don’t think I will be ready for the outside world 🙁 and I have never been alone ANYWHERE so I can’t survive if I go abroad 🙁 you’re such a nice person! I am really really grateful to you! 🙂 when I posted my story I KNEW no one can help me (since there is no escape). But seriously thank you so much for trying to help me. I really appreciate it 🙂
Oh sweetheart, don’t be too strict for your parents too. I have younger sister who’s 13 too and she’s telling me the same, that mum and I are trying to limit her, because she can’t go out without us knowing where she goes. But in fact we are trying to protect her. There are pervy people outside. I met too much of them. It’s too easy to be a prey…especially when you have make up, red hair and these clothes as she does… Remember that when you’re 18 – you’re free. Really free. You cannot be forced to go home if you don’t want to. Your life will be yours only.
LittleBead, this is a different situation for her…she’s from a country where girls can’t make any decisions, generally, even after 18. It’s not like the U.S, for example, where I can work hard in school, study at college, and pursue a career of my own choice. I can meet a variety of people. I can express myself. If I want to have a relationship, I will.
Anonymous Kiss, I feel terrible. You sound in despair, and for good reason. I don’t know how to help, but…I’m sorry for your situation. You’re trapped in a box. Claustrophobic. I’m really sorry.
I know…but there are organisations for women… Also, it is cultural law, not like legit law… I guess so… I may be wrong, I’d like to be right. 🙁 Not every Arabic country is the same…
Skeleton100 yes it’s exactly like you said 🙁 I wish I was born in USA… Or just any country that allow girls to do what they want…
It’s ok, I knew my life is like this for a long time and I will try to get used to it 🙂 thank you! <3
LittleBead I don't think organisations for women will help me as they will find it weird that I asked for help.. (And I can't ask for help anyways as my family won't allow me) I probably live in the most strict Arabic country with the most strict parents 🙁 I have always dreamed to be free but it's just not possible after all, gotta get used to it :/
Thank you guys 😀
You should try one day to contact them, maybe. They won’t think your situation is strange, I can assure you.
Eh…I’d send you some packed freedom from my country 🙁
I feel sorry for you.. just wanted you to know that I care. I wish I had any advice but I dont. Hang in there. Good luck and take care! Hugs
It’s ok, there is no point in giving advice anyway since there is no escape 🙁 but thank you <3
Sounds like a shitty time, but 14 years is too young to want to kill yourself. Is there not a teacher at school or something you could talk too. Can you leave home and live in a shelter with other young women in your position, there must be other girls in your country who feel the same as you do
Yeah that’s why I might wait a few years before I kill myself, I am way too scared to do it though so who knows
I am pretty sure my teachers will find it weird and won’t be able to help me. Like I said, this is COMPLETELY normal in my country and if I want to be freed then I will be considered a shame in my family 🙁 I don’t know if there are girls who are the same as me, I have never met someone like that and that’s exactly what I find weird! I might be the weird one but I don’t understand them.. How can they be okay with living a life that is decided for them?! Guess they were raised to think its normal
If you want to break free, you have to overpower your opressors.
So you need to weaken their power, and strengthen your own.
They have the power of violence, but there are other sources of power in the world. For example:
The power of your mind. Power in numbers. And patience.
So what I would do, if I were you, is to make sure you really train your mind as much as you can. Learn, learn, learn. The smarter you become, the stronger you will be.
You should also develop strong personal relationships with other people who can support you. This could be institutions like Amnesty International, it could be school friends, really anyone you can convince to join your struggle. The stronger your network of people, the stronger you will be.
Finally, you should develop patience. This will probably be a long struggle. But keep going. You are young. You are younger than your parents, and you are younger than those running your country. Chances are you will outlive them.
Hugs 🙂
Wow this is the best advice I have gotten so far 😀 however it’s not as easy as you say it is. First of all, my classmates (the only friends I have) can’t do anything and I am not that close to them because I am not allowed to hang out with them outside of school 🙁 and like I said its normal for them so they will find me weird and probably will leave me… And I don’t know any other people other than those in my school and in my family. I am also not allowed to talk to strangers and befriend them.
Honestly if I was a guy then your advice will work. However sadly I am a female and a young one at that. Which makes it worse and make my chances of breaking free anytime soon (if ever) 0% :'(
I’m glad you liked it 🙂
Since the networking seems to be a difficult place to start, I’ll instead recommend you some books, which might help you. You should be VERY careful with the second one. I am recommending it to you so that you can maybe learn some ways of peacefully resisting what other people want you to do. I am NOT suggesting you try to start a revolution or something, and I do NOT want you to put yourself at any risk. Okay? Please be careful. Here they are:
http://www.depts.ttu.edu/upwardbound/books/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
http://www.aeinstein.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/FDTD.pdf
Take care 🙂
I am terrible sorry to hear about your situation. I can’t even image what it must feel like. Here, in America, women are pretty much just as equal as men, and no one has control of you when you are the age of 18.
You sound very intelligent for a 14 year old and despite the situation, you seem to be developing your own opinion of things. Which is beautiful. Don’t kill yourself. Though, I could never understand what it’s like in your country, it is your lifestyle. IF you can find an escape, by all means take it. But if not, try to enjoy it.
Obviously there are going to be bigger issues in your life, besides make-up, and talking to guys. And it’s so unfair you can’t even enjoy being a teen, do to your parents. I see your point there. I wish you the best in life. Sometimes you just have to go “with it” for a little, find what you loving do and just focus on that. Maybe, your husband will be a decent man. And maybe, once you have children, you can enjoy life through them. As I said before, I wish you all the luck in the world, and I pray that you find happiness..
Oh my gosh this really moved me, thank you! 😀 I highly doubt I will kill myself anyway, it’s hard not being able to enjoy life and being like most teenagers in the world but I will try doing different things till I find something I enjoy so I can focus on it and forget the hardships I am going through and if hopefully my future husband is a decent guy then I have a strong feeling that my life will be amazing and I will be able to find happiness 🙂 the least thing I want is marrying a guy that is horrible and will keep controlling me..
THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for the advice and wishes!! I am really grateful! 😀 love you <3 lets just pray nothing even worse happens so I can find happiness xD Thanks~ 🙂
Hello- you sound like a smart young lady who only wants the freedom to choose for herself.
I agree with the post about being patient.. be patient, observe everything, grow and learn. One day, you will recognize a way out. Human rights groups may be a place to start. I feel like you will be able to break free at some point, though it will probably take years. Stay strong and wise- I pray you find safety and happiness!
Haha I am not really smart but thank you~ 🙂 alright I will do that! I will stay patient and keep learning 😀 i doubt I will find a way out but let’s just hope for the best 🙂 if I end up can’t finding a way out then I will just get used to my current life and bear with it
Thanks for the prays, I really need it. Thank you so much!