I don’t want to live in this world. You have to fake who you truly are inside to survive here…All we have left is what lives in our mind.
Unfortunately, our society places a high value on holding ourselves together and being strong.
You have to be competitive, better than the others, ready to adapt,… otherwise you’re dead to the world. If you have nothing to offer, you will get nothing… If you don’t fit society’s mold, you’ll drown. They tell us we’re crazy but i think, if someone is crazy here, it’s this hypocritical world.
People don’t seem to see that: some live like zombies without looking at the absurdity of this world. There is no future. You spend your lifetime working for the society…The only thing that counts is to raise more and more money…There are no human values apart from money.
Social networks create the illusion you’re surrounded…Once again, you’re all alone. You have to pay for everything…even to talk and be heard by someone. It’s why therapists exist. Friends never there to listen to you… Maybe even freidnship has a price!
Maybe i feel a little less alone since I’ve been on this site : now i know, i’ve around me other people who understand my depressive issues…Here i don’t have to pretend everything is ok.
But it can’t stop me from feeling like a runaway train on a road to nowhere, knowing nothing can’t stop me from falling down…When will this waking nightmare end?
I’d like somebody to stop this train, but in fact i have the feeling everybody is just watching me drowning.
It seems all my life i’ve ran after something… What? Maybe happiness, end of loneliness i don’t know… But one thing is certain, I’ll be in ashes before finding out anything! What’s the point of trying to build something in your life, while you know all will end one day, while time will erase you?
All this shit makes me think about another song,…: some Billy Talent’s: lyrics :
“As I get closer, my dreams get farther
I climb that ladder, but you kick it over
Thirsty for water, you give me vinegar
When I drink your medicine, it just makes me sicker.”
6 comments
For me a lot of it comes down to just people wanting to hurt me. A lot of that is based on assumptions and they are always wrong cuz people think they know you…most of the time they don’t. For example, I had a boyfriend once and he dumped me cuz I didn’t respond to a txt within 2 hours. He thought I was ignoring him…I was in front of 40 students conducting training. He made the assumption, and incorrect one, and dumped me. I get that constantly. It is also, for me, about value. I just don’t have any. If I were of more value it wouldn’t happen, so I get trashed all the time. I don’t do bad shit to people but they love doing it to me…I don’t know why…I just don’t. I can’t stop it, you can’t stop people mistreating you or lying to you or making incorrect assumptions about you if that’s what they want to do. But for me it’s cost me all my life. No matter what great deeds I do they are always met with abuse of some kind. I need to exit this world as fast as possible.
I red your last post… I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this…
I know people can be rude and hurt you like hell…
I have sometimes the feeling the more you’re kind with people, the more they’ll use you and be mad at you…
I hope you’ll find one day someone to lean on (even if i know it’s rare to find this kind of person).
You deserve it!
Thanks. I can’t help though what people make up. How can you counternance if someone else makes stuff up and then think you’re not capable. That’s setting someone up for failure and that just not fair…It’s zero to do whether you are capable, it’s fairystory made up by someone else.
Sad but true… You can only count on yourself. People think you’ll get better with one word from them. If you don’t they’ll see you as a weak person, capable of anything good…
what oyu said about therapists hit me… knew this but saaw it in new light how u said it.. so true even to be heard we gotta fuckin pay. we have to pay for ppl to pretend to like us on the inside. who we really are. its so fucked. this fuckin world man. i cant do it anymore. i cant do it. i wont stay for anybody else. i wont stay for me. not anyone! i’ve had it. had it all. im fuckin finished. ive known for years now. years! just found out an old friend of mine fucking dropped me for nothing. thought she may hav killed herself… lol fuck you. fuck you if u ever read this leo. fuck you.
I know how it feels when all you have is yourself and yourself is in ruin… The only true friend i thought i had just dropped me too a few days ago… When people know who you are inside, they turn their back …I would have liked to tell you something positive but i know nothing can’t change this fuckin world as you said….