I’m not looking for suggestions on how to Exit, but rather how best to tie up the loose ends of my life in advance of my Exit. I want to leave in a manner that is as compassionate and uncomplicated as possible for those I’ll be leaving behind. There is a great deal to consider here, and it is very difficult for me to process the details in my current emotional state. I’m a practical person, and what I need is some practical advice, and unfortunately I can’t consult any of my trusted friends for obvious reasons. So I would appreciate any thoughtful words on the following:
- MY BELONGINGS I live with my best friend/roommate, and I don’t want to leave behind a mess of things for her to have to deal with and perhaps be traumatized by. However if I start get rid of my belongings (especially my vehicle) it will absolutely raise red flags, as she is aware of my struggle with depression. I’m unsure how to proceed with this.
- SHOULD I LEAVE A MESSAGE BEHIND? This is a rather philosophical I suppose. Is it more compassionate to my friends & family to leave behind an explanation of my chosen departure, OR should I simply disappear? I recognize that either route will be traumatic in its own way, but I’m unsure which is the lesser of two evils. I have, at several points of my life, been hiking/camping/traveling and been out of communication for extended periods, so it will not be surprising if I disappear for a while. Also, I have an extremely isolated outdoor location to depart from, though in all reality it is likely that someone will find my remains at some point in the future.
- MESSAGE CONTENTS If I were to leave behind a message, I’m unsure even of how I would compose it. I’m a gifted letter writer, but in this I’ve really hit a writer’s block. In general I’d like to quickly touch on the reasons for my exit, but focus more intently on recalling positive shared experiences and thanking folks for having been part of my life.
- POSTMORTEM Assuming my remains are discovered, what happens then? Who is responsible? I assume the state will dispose of it because, as a comedian once put it, “Society hates a rotting corpse.” My only family are my mother and sister who live half-way across the country and are piss-poor. They couldn’t possibly afford travel or funeral expenses. What are the implications for them?
I’m sure some individuals will urge me not to Exit. I understand pro-life remarks are well-intended, but in all reality they are utterly condescending and profoundly unhelpful. As I said, I really need some practical advice, so if you have thoughts on these topics (or something I might be failing to be consider), it would be greatly appreciated.
2 comments
I went through all of that on my last chosen date (that got changed due to things out of my control… as usually happens), and even if i’d prefer you to reconsider… well, i guess i’m telling you to reconsider it anyways, and if you want to talk about what brought you to this, feel free to make another post here… but anyways, here’s how i was dealing with those (hope it helps):
– MY BELONGINGS: I thought about it and you are right, getting rid of everything is a huge red flag. I got rid of some things and for all the rest i made up a list, so people would know what to get. Took me a while but i could not find a better solution. The lesser things i donated away.
– SHOULD I LEAVE A MESSAGE BEHIND?: Yup, at least to point out that it is your decision and no one helped you in planning/executing. It’s more compassionate to leave an explanation too, otherwise everyone blames themselves even more.
– MESSAGE CONTENTS: Can’t really help you there… mine were more about explaining reasons, clarifying it was not their fault, thanking them, and saying i tried all options. To me it was about being understood, thanking them and alleviating guilt from them.
– POSTMORTEM: Most likely they will be contacted, and asked to take care of the body. If they refuse i have no idea what happens. My best guess is that you might want to leave some money to someone you trust (maybe with your letters?) so you at least get a proper burial/cremation… no idea what happens if you don’t.
Hope that helped a bit, and i hope you don’t end up taking that route. In any case i wish you the best.
If you do intend to proceed, I would absolutely suggest leaving behind a written explanation of some sort. I feel simply disappearing would be worse on your loved ones than providing a reason.
I do hope you find the strength and purpose to continue your life. At the same time, however, I do commend you on thinking about these things beforehand. Best wishes.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)