I’m generally not one to post about my feelings and life goings-on here, but … I don’t know. I just feel the need, for whatever reason.
I’ve been feeling so … “blah,” lately. I wouldn’t call it a serious bout of depression by any means; I guess there are just a lot of things piling up and it has me down.
This is largely due to work. The past couple of months (and few days, honestly) have not been good. My employers seem to be doing everything in their power to piss me off, for whatever reason (one I can’t figure out considering I have been there for eight years and by many people’s accounts have been a terrific employee the entire time) and I was really hoping that I would be able to find another job by now. Coming off of a horrendous double-holiday weekend (complete with atrocious weather) has not helped.
Additionally, I’m just not happy in other aspects of life, either. The dart league I joined in September isn’t as fun as it used to be due to original members of my team leaving. I joined to try and meet people and make friends, but it just hasn’t worked out like I’d hoped.
I also wanted to volunteer at a suicide helpline toward the end of last year, but unfortunately, there are none available in my city (there are positions in a nearby town, but I don’t have a vehicle). For whatever reason, that has me down lately also. I truly feel I could be very useful in that area. Don’t get me wrong: posting on SP is great, but I think helping someone on-one-on is often more effective and a better personal test. That is largely the reason I haven’t been around here much lately – I read people’s posts and simply feel that I often don’t have much to offer.
I have been feeling somewhat of a need to write again lately as well. I ran a couple of pretty successful websites for a few years, but have been taking a break from writing since June. I have an idea for another website and even have everything in place to launch it – except a real desire. That is the problem: I feel I should write again, it’s not that I really want to. Writing is one of the few things I’m good at and makes me feel worthwhile and accomplished, and I am completely aware that this is what is causing this “pull” back into it. However, I haven’t missed the bullshit that comes with running a site and, in all honesty, have been enjoying my time away from writing. It’s all a very strange feeling.
Anyway, if you took the time to read this, I appreciate it. I realize there are other people with far more serious things on their minds here and I apologize if I wasted anyone’s time. I just felt the need to vent, I suppose, as many of us do sometimes.
L4Y