Still in a Dark Place

Hi, this is my first post, so I thought I should tell you guys about my story…….

My parents both are a little messed up, my mother has OCD and Major Depressive Disorder. My dad has PTSD, that has made him turn to drug addiction. My parents both smoke marajuana (which is sadly, legal in our state) and that ended in my siblings and I being split up and put in different various foster homes. Since about two years ago I started self-harming (burning) and I have had two suicide attempts. After my first suicide attempt my families court case got closed and everyone returned home. School, currently, is my sanctuary. I can’t seem to tell people that can help that I’m suicidal, I’m nervous. My mother, just last Friday, got put in a mental hospital. Even though she was never much comfort to me, I miss her. A lot. My dad, he is a different story, he still smokes, but won’t drive us anywhere anymore when he is high (thankfully). My family lives in poverty, the only place I get food is from school, and friends that don’t eat all their food. I think I’m depressed, I still self-harm, and I’m always anxious and tired. Just yesterday, I burst out in tears whenever I tripped over a step. I’m tired, so tired, all of my energy is drained. I’m thinking about suicide, pills, actually and I want to end it. I really do, but something is holding me back, I don’t know what is. But my brain won’t let me swallow the pills or pull the trigger. I need help. I guess that’s my story…..