I’m 14, and I like to write, and dye my hair. Then there’s play video games, watch movies, chat online with my.. friends. I like lots of things. Then there’s my blades, the only thing I seem to look forward to; my birthday is in 9 days, and all I can think about is concealing my cuts; just like Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Summer break.. It’s all the same day in and day out.
“Can they see them?”
I’m terrified, I really am, having to hide things from my family, it eats at you. It’s a good thing I left school.. Right? I mean, no teachers, no homework, no rude students, just.. sleep.. And then the ya know, online assignments; but I rarely do them anyways. I spend most my time writing actually, with my new friends, ya know, the online ones.
It get’s kinda lonely here, in my poorly painted teal room; granted I painted it. It’s.. silent, the only thing I can hear most times is the blaring music from my earphones, evidently not in my ears, and the laughter from family. One mother, one brother, and one sister. They seem happy, content. I mean, my brother sometimes comes home from work and takes his anger out on me in words, but, when he doesn’t have rough days of servitude he’s kinda nice. I like to tell him things. Like.. How I learned about black holes; a silly attempt to impress a very scientifically educated person. But.. lonely. I never get to hug people, or see their smiles accept for a picture. Pictures are nice, I like pictures.
Two days ago I tried to kill myself.
I stopped at 5 pills because I got scared. Pathetic. I may try again, not entirely sure. I write stories with my friends online, and, I hate to “honk my own horn” but i’m the most creative of the bunch. I’m sure their written fantasies would lack originality if I wasn’t there to give my input.
I’m 14, and my name’s Sammie. Hello everyone.
5 comments
It’s nice to meet you Sammie, I’m Matthew, or Mattie if you please. I’m 15 and I conceal my pain as well (as in, I cut and keep it hidden). You are not pathetic, I’m new here too and I call myself all the time. I’ve tried to kill myself too..I stopped at eight pills because I blacked out, then when I woke up, to my disappointment, I was still here.. I write too, and I’m the most creative person I know.
Sammiekat,
I’ve been around on and off for sometime, I’ve changed my views on everything, evolving I guess you could say, I’m asking you to please don’t cut yourself, also everyone try’s to kill themselves now and then, your not alone, this world isn’t a pleasant place at times, it’s about struggle and survival, now here’s the kicker, you are stuck! you were born, remember this wasn’t of your own doings, but now that your here it is your goal to survive, which means take care of yourself, your here for an blink of an eye, and that’s that, so try to enjoy what you have and who you are, it’s all about you! have fun doing the things you enjoy, be Sammiekat! think of yourself, yeah it isn’t always fun, it wasn’t meant to be, like all living creatures your here! take advantage of it, soon enough it will be over anyways, you like movies? go to the movies, find a passion and embrace it.
It’s nice to meet you Sammie I’m a pedo who wants to hub you
bad joke
That actually made me chuckle, so you’re fine. xD
And thank you for the kind words, I found this place while looking for a suicide partnering website. Guess it’s a good sign that I did. I stopped looking by the way.