The only thing that is keeping me alive now is knowing that i don’t have the proper stuff to do it with. yes i studied all the methods but many are not a guarantee. The biggest issue with me is suffering. I don’t want to do it in a way that makes me suffer, or i end up surviving but physically and mentally disabled. For me its not about an attempt, but success. Thought about shotguns and read about the exact place to shoot. but hell sometimes those are not a sure thing. Plus some of those bad boys are expensive and I wouldn’t wanna buy one cheap from someone unless i knew they where in working condition. I am also leaning towards an exit bag but i got to buy one and the tanks that go with it. I want to follow the directions right. Too bad I don’t live close to mexico or I could snag some Pentobarbital from a local Mexican vet clinic. Even then the stuff could be old and less potent. I thought deeply about trying to make friends with someone from Oregon via the internet who is terminally ill. id want to convince them that i was dying too of some disease and needed there stash (the stuff like Brittney Maynard had) . I’d offer 500 to 1000 dollars up front for it but ONLY if they could say they lost the medication and get another dose. Not sure if the doctors would do that. Plus I don’t like lying and tricking people. Desperation will make you do crazy things. All of these are long shots to say the least. As much as I studied suicide I always hit a wall in my plan. I thought about turning the car on in the garage and letting the fumes hit me while i was drunk, but the newer cars we got don’t have the exhaust with the potency to kill for that reason.
Once I do find a method, i also want to have a failsafe just in case. For example: shoot myself with a shot gun over a bridge in a way that id fall off and drown in the water. but if it was up to me my number one method would be Pentobarbital or what ever Brittney Maynard had. hmm I guess i am going to have to do a lot of work on this.
We also have railroad tracks about 3 blocks away from were I live. I once thought about decapitation by train but then i watched youtube videos of coal trains passing by our area and found that they had metal buffers on them. It could still kill me but the chances are a lot lower of a quick death. the metal grills would probably jam my head back and id be squirming around for awhile or not die at all by be a vegetable.
5 comments
Man, I have looked into a lot too, always afraid of the same. Failure. Just like I am, one big fail. I wanted to do the car thing too, but like you said, theyre made safer now. Unfortunately. I knew a guy that did it that way, his grandpa found him slumped over the steering wheel, almost like he was struggling…but we don’t know. He died though. I can feel your pain and im so sorry you’re hurting like this. I would say I’d pray for you to find a peaceful way but I’m not a religious man. I wish you luck in life and do wish things to get better for you. At the same time though I feel as you do and want to go, you’re understood more than u know man.
Fucking hell, step into a 10th floor builiding, put a gun.into your mouth aiming to the skull, etc. I think its not so fucking dificult for fuck sake
You only die once. You wanna make it the right way.
Killing yourself shouldn’t be so hard… I personally think the government should help us kill ourselves if we really want to die, but no we have to do it all by ourselves. Maybe you have a GOOD friend who would have mercy and shoot you a couple of times? But I say go all out if you can: take pills, jump out the building, and shoot. I am sick and tired of life and AM honestly hoping I succeed with hanging. In the end, the method is irrelevant. The important thing is that you stop your body from breathing and your heart from beating. It’ll be scary, but close your eyes, say a prayer, and dive. I’m hoping the afterlife has bacon. Hope for bacon.
(I know, I’m probably insane…bite me.)
absolutely! When you commit suicide, you don’t have room for sloppiness