worthless

So, I have just confessed to my boyfriend of almost 5 months that I have come to the conclusion that I’m gay. It was possibly one of the most awful things I have had to do. He cried. He loves me. I love him. But I cannot make myself feel sexually attracted to him. I have always thought that I am probably gay but I since I had only dated one guy before him I thought maybe I just wasn’t attracted to that guy in particular. I was going through the same motions as I was in the previous relationship. Except this time I was more emotionally invested. I really do love my boyfriend. I actually dated him because I thought he had the most beautiful personality anyone could ever be gifted with. I am still baffled by how he could possibly have fallen for me. I’m all types of fucked up on the inside and out. I have battled eating disorders for more than 3 years now, my body is scarred and mistreated, and I have major self-loathing and depression. He claims he sees something beautiful in me and he wants to make me feel the best I ever can. And he has done just that. And this is all I can give him in return.
Someone who puts their whole self into being in arelationship with me and gives me their all, all for me to shit on it. And in the end, he still says he loves me. And I have the audacity to accept his love and tell him I love him back. I am what I have always thought I am. A worthless piece of shit. It only took for someone I truly love to get hurt for me to figure that out.